I'm back I lied!

Back. What does that mean anyways? That I'm writing as much as I used to? That I'm sharing? What? What is "back"??

I tried writing a regular post, but nothing came out. Stream it is...

What kind of idiot do you have to be to jump on the roof? Do you really think my walls and shelves aren't shaking or are you not thinking at all? Why is common courtesy so fucking hard to remember? When I go up there I sit on top of my own apartment so that I don't bother anyone else. I also don't fucking do jumping jacks or let my dog shit everywhere and not clean it up. No, I don't have a dog, but if I did it would be a black lab that remains in puppy form and is named Neo for Neosporin. Or not. I haven't really needed to use the stuff because I finally stopped chewing my fingers and nails. Sort of.

FUCK. There was a time when I couldn't wait to post. I'd write five stories in my journal on the subway and then race home to post them. Why aren't I like that any more? What changed? Everything. Everything has changed the past year. Fucking Septembers. I hate Septembers. Fucking credit cards and mean graphic design teachers and, and fucking limp celery. I hate limp celery.

My job. My job's an asshole! When will I ever get along with a fucking boss? I'm trying to get out of my department. It's not working out YET AGAIN.

Tat. He's so awesome that I don't know what to do with myself! He's the sweetest, kindest, nicest, everything-est ever. Four months! Four!

Cheese. Fuck you cheese! Why are you so delicious?? All I want to do is eat you.

That's all I got.

I'm back I swear!

Today is the first day I feel healthy in quite a few weeks.

I idiotically had two drags of a cigarette back on September 17th and have been coughing ever since. I remember the date because it was a memorable next morning: I had a raging hangover and no internal organs. I was so drunk the night before that on my way home I not only puked all over Columbus Circle station (I think it was the B platform), but also out the cab window for about half a mile down my street. I haven't gotten that wasted in quite some time, so naturally I blame the cigarette.

Three weeks later I still hadn't stopped coughing so I finally went to the doctor. He said it was allergies. Unfortunately he was wrong because four days later I had a sinus infection. I was really annoyed that I had to go back to his office to get antibiotics, so I stubbornly put it off. I thought I kicked it on my own until this past Sunday when I woke up at 4am in the worst fucking pain. It felt like someone shoved a piece of glass into my ear and used it to give me a root canal. Seriously the pain was so bad that I couldn't tell if it was coming from my teeth or my ear. The next day I went back to the doctor and it turns out it was an ear infection. An ear infection! I didn't think grown ups got them...

So after a week of super meds I finally feel better. Sheesh! I am never smoking, drinking red wine, or putting off doctor visits EVER AGAIN.

Facebook Wins Part 2

Tat and I officially became a couple three weeks ago. Tuesday we became Facebook official. I knew FB sent an announcement, but I didn't know it finds a picture of the both of us to send, too. This is the day we met. I look like I'm going to eat him...

Cheese please!

Facebook Wins

Facebook informed me that PJ is getting married tomorrow. Both he and Psycho Joe friended me on there the week of Valentine's Day. I don't get it. I confirmed our "friendship", but seriously, what is the point? We're not friends in real life, so why follow each other on the web?

If FB didn't exist I wouldn't know PJ was dating someone, let alone sealing the deal. Then again, I also wouldn't have been able to look at his profile pics and realize once and for all that I am completely and utterly over him. I'm glad. I mean hell, it's only been 10 years.

Wow. Ten years. TEN. Do you know how much has happened since 1999? Do you?!? Holy shit. That is at least three lifetimes ago.

Congrats Peej. I'm very happy for you. I'm also very happy to be able to say that you were my FIRST love because it wasn't that long ago that I thought you might be my ONLY love.

Fuck the what??

It's been a whole month since my last post. What the fuck?? I want to write, but I can't seem to do it. Shit just hasn't been the same...

Okay, new leaf! From this moment on I. am. back.

Middle Stalls

I had to take a dump at work today and the only free stall was the middle one.  

I don't like middle stalls.  There's something calming about having a full wall on one side.  If I'm tired, I can rest my head on it.  If I ate Mexican, I can brace myself on it.  If it smells, I only have one set of shoes to examine in order to figure out who's sitting next to me so I can later avoid them.  

In fact I sort of hate women who go right for the middle stall.  Do you have any shame?  Don't you want your privacy?   Men have their urinal etiquette.  The same rules should apply!

I was so uncomfortable in the middle stall that I actually waited for the other two chicks to leave and then moved my business to the one on the right.  I like that one, although it's not as good as Stella Bumpkiss.  I miss her!

Cheesified

I am Cheesy Marie.  I haven't stopped smiling in five weeks. I am super duper, incredibly happy to have Tat in my life.

Will I have a freakout again? Perhaps, but right now I feel really good about him. About us!

I can't keep being negative just because I'm afraid to be positive. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I think the reason why I don't want to be all gung-ho about him is because I'm worried that the minute I tell people, we'll immediately break up and I'll look and feel like a jackass. Fuck it though, right? If I'm going to be judged for anything in my life I highly doubt it will be over taking a chance on love. Reciprocated love at that. Well, like anyways. So here it goes:

I really like Tat and he really likes me!

Ugh, you don't know how hard that was to write!!

And no, he doesn't know about Thighs. I'm not ready for that yet.

...

...

Ahem.

Did you read that?!?!?! I DIDN'T TELL HIM ABOUT THIGHS. For the first time ever I do not feel the need to dump my entire life on the table and say, "HERE DEAL WITH THIS OR WALK, BUB." because guess what??? I don't want this one to walk!

And the fact that I'm saying I'm not ready for something is a goddamn miracle. Hot damn, goddamn fucking a' miracle.

YAAAYYYY!!!

Bajigs

You know what's nice?  Every time I feel the least bit bajiggity, he calls.  What a guy.

CHEESE!

Hobby found.

I have a dirty little secret.

I love math. I also love creating a new login each time my free Lumosity membership expires. The really nerdy part about doing this is that I also need a new email address. I have five accounts, used three of them already. I might have to draw the line at making new ones with the sole purpose of getting onto this site.  Then again as much as I enjoy brain games I refuse to pay $10 a month to play.

That being said, Raindrops might be worth $11. It's raining math problems!! YAY!!

Boyfriend? Me?

Soooo...I may or may not have a boyfriend. Tat and I have been hanging out for a whole month. A month! That is my post-college world record.

I say "may or may not" because we haven't had The Talk or anything. My Facebook status is still Single. Family and high school "friends" still probably questioning my sexual orientation.

He sure as heck acts like he wants to be my boyfriend, though. This is good. Better than good, GREAT!!!!!

Dear Tat,

You are very great.

Love,
Thighs

Here's where the fun starts...

I haven't heard from him in five hours so I've decided he's given up and we are no longer dating.

I need a hobby.

While I'm at it...B&N.com can go fuck themselves too

Don't order anything from Barnes & Noble. Their "usually ships" bullshit means ships from their warehouse, not ships and delivers.

I was hoping to get my order within three business days. It ain't coming for another week. Fucking bullshit.

I'm only ordering from Amazon now.

Like is Blind

I woke up this morning and all I could think was:

TatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTatTat

It was so bad that I accidentally used nail polish remover to take off my eye make-up.

I screamed and flushed my eye out for like 10 minutes.

Stupid, stupid.

I wanna see!

Minnow has mandatory business conduct videos and quizzes. I took the harassment one on Friday.  

I really wish they showed what this woman is looking at...oh the possibilities!

Cartoon Planet

One of my favorite tripping moments was back when I was 19. My friends and I took a bunch of tabs and hung out in the park all day. A tree told me not to pee on it, a Neon Carrot crayon stalked us, and the smoke after the fireworks display spelled out the word "Smoke." Seriously. It was a fantastical day.

When I got home that night I turned on Cartoon Network and this is what I saw. I could not stop laughing for hours. Acid or no acid, it still cracks me up!!



I heart Brak!

Mangatar

Thanks Jen!

5 minutes

It took me five minutes after publishing my previous post to regret writing it in case I jinxed it with Tat (his nickname).

Shit, I'm giving him a nickname which means I'm hoping to write about him again. Presuming he will be around long enough to write something more about him.

Shit, I'm presuming. Or is it assuming?

Shit, I'm...shit!

Shiiiiiiiit.

I don't get it.

I'm a freak. I met a guy at my friend's BBQ a couple of weeks ago. I like him. He's so sweet, cute, and fun. There's one thing I don't get about him though...

HE LIKES ME!!

What the fuck?? Seriously. This doesn't make any sense to me. None. Zero. Zip.

I kept trying to tell myself he doesn't really like me, but I don't think I can pretend anymore. He calls, he texts, he emails. He even texts me after our phone calls to say "It was really nice talking to you." Tonight he texted me saying "I'm sorry I rushed you off the phone." He didn't. WHAT IS GOING ON???

Obviously the more important question is, why don't I feel comfortable being liked??

Ugh. I don't know...possible answers:

1. I can't be mean to myself when someone likes me. I think that's why I like guys who don't like me back. "I'm fat, red, and boring. Yay!"

2. We can't possibly like each other forever, so there will be a break-up at some point. The college break-up became a nervous breakdown. The two break-ups after, which I will most likely never write about, were awful because I was awful. Break-ups are the worst!!

3.

3)

3]

I'm stalling.

I can't think of any other reasons. Basically I want to hurt myself, but I don't want to be hurt or hurt someone else. I guess that's not entirely horrible.

If I truly want to hurt myself, wouldn't it follow that taking a chance on love could very well lead to hurt and therefore my goal? So really I have nothing to lose. If it works out, then I'll have love. If it doesn't work out I'll love beating myself up over it. Either way love is in the outcome!

Yaayy! Masochism is fun!

I will now fully enjoy giving this guy a chance. Christ, I can't give up on him yet. He has a friggin' Spongebob tattoo. Swoon!

Um yeah...

Just uh, to clarify, I did calm down right after I wrote my last post. Blogs are great for dehulking.

Kodak Gallery can go FUCK THEMSELVES

Apparently Kodak Gallery decided to change their storage policy back in March. If you did not buy a certain amount of prints within 12 months THEY DELETED ALL OF YOUR FUCKING ALBUMS.

I did not receive ANY FUCKING EMAILS ABOUT THIS. This is such FUCKING BULLSHIT. I hope Kodak fucking DIES! I will continue to RANDOMLY TYPE IN CAPS IN ORDER TO PREVENT MYSELF FROM PUTTING MY FUCKING HEAD THROUGH MY FUCKING MONITOR.

Kodak Gallery you can GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU STUPID PIGFUCKING COCKSUCKING ASSHOLES.

And Juan, GO FUCK YOURSELF TOO.


Kodakfucks: Hi, my name is Juan. How may I help you?

Shannon : Hi Juan.

Shannon : All of my albums disappeared, but my friends' ones are still there.

Shannon : Can you help?

Kodakfucks: Hi how are you today?

Kodakfucks: how may I help you?

Shannon : Not good. Can you find all of my albums?

Kodakfucks: you stated that your albums are not able to viewed in your account correct

Shannon : yes

Kodakfucks: I am sorry to hear that, Would you please provide me with your email address so I may access your account information so I may further assist you.

Shannon : *email*

Kodakfucks: Thank you would you please hold while the computer uploads the account information.

Kodakfucks: thank you for waiting I appreciate your patience, the computer is uploading the account information I am having minor technical difficulties one moment please.

Shannon : Okay

Kodakfucks: thank you

Kodakfucks: thank you so much for waiting,

Kodakfucks: currently I am sorry to informed you that the images have been deleted from your account,

Shannon : WHY??

Kodakfucks: the reason is that there has not been a purchase within the last 12 months in the account.

Shannon : Purchase? What purchase?

Kodakfucks: Members may upload an unlimited number of photos to the KODAK Gallery website (Kodakgallery.com). Beginning March
13, 2009, our new Storage Policy states, however, that in order to continue storing photos on the Gallery website, you must make a purchase from the Gallery within 90 days of your first upload, and then every 12 months thereafter. The amount of the required purchase is based on the amount of storage space your photos occupy on the Gallery website. If the amount of storage you use is equal to 2 gigabytes (GB) or less, you must make purchases totaling at least $4.99 once every 12 months. If your storage amounts to over 2 GB, you must make purchases totaling at least $19.99 once every 12 months. If you do not meet the applicable minimum purchase requirement, your photos may be deleted.

To view our new Storage Policy*, please go to: Kodakgallery.com/TermsOfService.jsp (See section 18.)

We thank you for being a Gallery member and look forward to continuing to be your trusted photo partner.

Shannon : This is BULL. I was never notified about this and now all of my pictures are gone. I want them put back
IMMEDIATELY and then I will decide if I should buy any.

Shannon : This is absolutely unacceptable. There are pictures on there that could not be replaced.

Shannon : March 2009 this went into effect?? How many other people had no idea???

Kodakfucks: I am sorry about this, once the images have been deleted we cannot restored the images. The computer database does not store a backup copy of the images

You have disconnected.

Drunk Tithings

Is the word tithings limited to giving money to churches?  I'm too lazy to look it up.  And by lazy I mean drunk.  Am I giving you a tithing by sharing my intoxicatedness?  I'm making up words again, aren't I?

So life has been good.  It's good now because I can't feel it.  It's been good this week because I decided to go off the pill and feel terrific.  I have a sneaky suspicion that's what has been causing my crazy-head for the last 13 years.  Ironically I am hornier than I've been in quite a few months; unfortunately I don't have any man-friends to help in this situation.  Or I do and I just don't feel like calling them. 

Geez Louise.  I'm three sheets to the wind.  Or is it two?  I don't know, all I do know is I wish I went to SDCC this weekend.  Blah farts.

BLAHAHGHOBH;UHHEUHGSKJH.  Wah!   I wish I was getting laid right now.  Don't judge me bitches, I speak the truthness.