Breakthrough No. 9: Ball Busting Bitch

I went out to lunch with Coach, my coworker and friendly acquaintance. Coach is not only a Project Manager at Company, but she's also a certified motivational speaker and life-coach. We spoke about my career goals a few months back and now that my game plan is taking form I figured we should catch up.

I told Coach about my time at Company starting at day one. I can't believe I'm there three years already!! Time flies when you're having... uh...well...issues??

After about 15 minutes of my venting, Coach looked me right in the eyes and said,

"It's because you're a ball busting bitch."

One nanosecond later both my heart and jaw dropped. Racing thoughts do not describe what went through my head...how could I be a bitch I have low self-esteem and fat thighs I could never be a bitch to anyone all I ever wanted to do was make Company a better place and for people to like me I would never want to be the bitch that wait who the fuck do you think you are for saying that I'm a bitch you're a fucking bitch and fuck yeah I'll bust your fucking balls you...

Luckily I didn't say any of the above. My response was, "THANK YOU!"

FINALLY someone looked me in the face and told me what I'm truly being. No passive-aggressive bullshit whisper crap that always manages to get back to me anyways. Aahhh, honest, in your face, balls to the wall truths. That's all I've ever wanted. But the convo didn't stop there:

Coach: "You do realize why you're so happy that I called you a ball busting bitch, right?"

Me: "Yeah because you were honest."

Coach: "No it's because you enjoy conflict."

WHAT!?!?!?! I ENJOY CONFLICT?!?!? What the hell was she talking about??

Coach continued by saying we're a lot alike. People with our personality types are in the minority. There aren't many of us who enjoy a good fight, rock the boat, or tell someone off and move on. Most people will go to great lengths to actually AVOID conflict!!

This made me crack up. Rocks has said this to me quite a few times, but I honestly just didn't get it. See I eventually come around, B!

At first I felt the need give Coach an explanation. I began to tell her about my family, how yelling was the only way we communicated. Then I stopped because really, who the fuck cares how it started?? There's no need for excuses or blame.

I enjoy conflict. I am a ball busting bitch.

HURRAH! It feels so awesome to know this!! And the best part about this realization is:

Now that I'm aware of it, I can choose to be it.

With all the battles I've had at Company, good or bad, win or lose, I never fathomed NOT picking them in the first place. Seriously, the battle just had to happen. Something was broken, something was wrong, whatever, I had to go after it red faced and at full speed.

Today I learned something very valuable:

I always have a choice and from now on, I will always choose wisely.

Thanks Coach. (and Rocks). (and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).