Thursday, August 13

I don't get it.

I'm a freak. I met a guy at my friend's BBQ a couple of weeks ago. I like him. He's so sweet, cute, and fun. There's one thing I don't get about him though...


What the fuck?? Seriously. This doesn't make any sense to me. None. Zero. Zip.

I kept trying to tell myself he doesn't really like me, but I don't think I can pretend anymore. He calls, he texts, he emails. He even texts me after our phone calls to say "It was really nice talking to you." Tonight he texted me saying "I'm sorry I rushed you off the phone." He didn't. WHAT IS GOING ON???

Obviously the more important question is, why don't I feel comfortable being liked??

Ugh. I don't know...possible answers:

1. I can't be mean to myself when someone likes me. I think that's why I like guys who don't like me back. "I'm fat, red, and boring. Yay!"

2. We can't possibly like each other forever, so there will be a break-up at some point. The college break-up became a nervous breakdown. The two break-ups after, which I will most likely never write about, were awful because I was awful. Break-ups are the worst!!




I'm stalling.

I can't think of any other reasons. Basically I want to hurt myself, but I don't want to be hurt or hurt someone else. I guess that's not entirely horrible.

If I truly want to hurt myself, wouldn't it follow that taking a chance on love could very well lead to hurt and therefore my goal? So really I have nothing to lose. If it works out, then I'll have love. If it doesn't work out I'll love beating myself up over it. Either way love is in the outcome!

Yaayy! Masochism is fun!

I will now fully enjoy giving this guy a chance. Christ, I can't give up on him yet. He has a friggin' Spongebob tattoo. Swoon!

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