Thursday, March 3

Eight Years

MD and I finally talked last night. It went very well. I don't have much time to go into it at the moment (I have actual work to do, hooray!), but I can't think straight. Two words keep running through my head: eight years. He and his ex were together for eight years.

I can't fathom being with someone that long, let alone breaking up with someone after that long.

We are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to where we are in life right now. I am done with being single while he is enjoying (?) being single for the first time since college. Do you know how many guys I slept with while he was in a relationship? DO YOU? I'm asking becuase I lost count.

I don't know how I feel about this yet. I'm a hopeless romantic. I don't like to think love is based on timing because fuck time. If I truly love someone I would want to be with them no matter what is going on in my life because I wouldn't be able to live without them.

I know "love" wasn't in the cards for MD and I. I felt like I was falling in love with him, but he definitely wasn't falling in love with me. It's just that I've never been serious about someone before. Tat and I talked about moving in together, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I would have dropped everythig for MD if he asked. He never did.

I find myself wondering what the point was again, sort of like I did with the Banana drama. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT? Why did I have to meet someone who is not ready for a relationship when for the first time in my life I'M ready for one?? Yes I know, even if he was ready it doesn't mean he'd want to be with me. Hell, he could get hit with Cupid's arrow tomorrow and end up married by the end of the year. Kill me if that happens.

Then again, that could happen to me too...

GAH. I hate dating. HATE IT. I'm done. I'm done done done done done*.

*Lie lie lie lie lie.

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