June Bugs

The past couple of weeks were whack. I don't think I've ever used this word before, but it's the first idiom that came to mind. Yes, idiom according to dictionary.com. Check out the Phrasal Verb:

Idiom(s):
whacked out Slang
Exhausted.
Crazy.
Under the influence of a mind-altering drug.

Phrasal Verb(s):
whack off Vulgar Slang To masturbate.

Interesting.  Say "phrasal verb" out loud.  Doesn't it sound more vulgar than "whack off?"  

Anyhoo, the rundown:

1.  I had ridiculous chest and back pains the end of last week.  It felt like I was having a heart attack.  I'm not sure what triggered it maybe stress, the Halal Guys street meat sauce I had on Wednesday (cart on 53rd and 6th Ave, amazing except for the coronary), the pepperoni pizza I had on Friday, or all three.   My heart felt like a rock, my chest was tight, I had to consciously take full deep breaths, the pain in my back was really uncomfortable, whine whine.  It was awful!  I went to the doctor Saturday morning; luckily (or not?) he didn't seem to think it was an emergency and sent me for a chest xray, abdomen sonogram, EKG, and bloodwork. 

I wrote "or not?" because it's weird to be in pain and not know why.  On the one hand, if it was a heart attack or something concrete it could be treated right away.  On the other, who the fuck wants to have a heart attack??  

I was pretty upset about all this for a few days, but now I'm looking at it as a positive.  I haven't gotten my test results yet, but my gut says there's nothing wrong.  The problem is me.  I don't take care of myself well.  I'm over-stressed, I eat poorly, and I haven't exercised.  I always say I want to lose weight to look good, but I don't think I've ever said I want to be HEALTHY.  

Now I'm saying it: I want to change my life, change my habits, and change my beliefs all in the name of good health.

2.  I realized I associate a lot of pain to the word "Oracle."  I'm not ignoring the fact that my body went wonky once I joined the project team.  It makes sense that I'd subconsciously link all of the rough times at Company to the implementation because the shit probably wouldn't have hit the fan there if I wasn't involved on the project.  Then again, maybe it would have.  Who knows and who cares.  I can't change the past, but I sure can learn from it.  

I know now that people come first, myself included.  I'm addressing the warning signs of another meltdown.  I'm more understanding to others.  I know that change is hard for everyone.  I know that there are a million ways to skin a cat (that's for you Furbie), so it doesn't always matter how we achieve something as long as the goal is met.  And last but certainly not least, I know Me.  I don't need to take things personally because I'm confident in what I have to offer. Heck, it's only been three weeks and I've already brought some good ideas to the table.  If they choose to follow through, cool.  If not, that's okay too.  Yay for experience!

3.  I went to a psychic last Tuesday.  He gave me an in-depth astrological reading and read my tarot cards.  Basically he confirmed everything I already knew about myself.  This may sound like a waste of time, but it wasn't.  I like validation and a good reality check.  It's so easy for me to stay in fantasyland that I forget to take stock of the real world.  

Cool to note, he knew I wasn't going to be in NYC much longer.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  I'm not sure when I'll move or where I want to go yet, but I have feeling it's either going to be for love or for school.  Maybe both!

4.  My brother's in town!  We had an awesome sibling night on Monday and we're going to hang out again with the rents on Sunday for an early Father's Day.  Hmm, maybe moving to Cali wouldn't be so bad...I'll give everyone fair warning so you can buy stock in Coppertone.

5.  Summer Fridays are the best!! 

I guess that's it.  I'm going to phrasal verb myself now.