I'm dragging ass today. Dragging. Ass.
I slept most of Friday and Saturday. Rest and fluids is the best thing for me to heal when I've been glutened or sugared or whatever the hell. Saturday night I felt well enough to go to MDLL's and lay around his apartment for a change of scenery. I got another 10+ hours of sleep that night too, so by Sunday I was raring to go for the Giants game. Did you hear the news?
THE MOTHER FUCKING GIANTS ARE GOING TO THE MOTHER FUCKING SUPERBOWL! AAAAIIIIEEEE!!
Or is it?
I was PMSing hardcore Saturday. I cleaned my entire apartment, even scrubbed the walls. I cried over the Disney movie Meet the Robinsons, which is really sweet and adorable. (The movie, not me crying.) When I got to MDLL's, he was dealing with his own male-PMS so I didn't really have the time or energy to act out mine. Man, can that kid be cranky!! The next day he was back to his loving self, so I became an insecure teenage bandgeek. (I don't know why I called myself a bandgeek, but that's what came out as I typed. It probably has something to do with watching American Pie 2 on Sunday. PETEY!) I went middle school on him: "Do you still like me? Do you think I'm cool? I still turn you on, right? Circle yes, no, maybe." Apparently, I need to be extra validated when I'm about to get my pdiddy. MDLL took my moroncy (manujaggered) in stride and made me feel better. He's a good egg.
Later on we went to Crazy Ass to watch the last half of the Ravens/Patriots game. I HATE the Patriots. Hate. It's not because they are good; it's because they are bad fucking sports. Only dickheads go for a two point conversion when the game is out of reach. Brady punting the ball himself last week against Denver was dickish bullshit, too. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should! Belichik's refusal to shake the winning coach's hand is bullshit as well. He and Brady's talent impresses me, but I'd like them more if they had some class.
Get this. When the Giants game started I actually wanted them to lose so they wouldn't face the Patriots again.
WHAT!?!?!? WHAT KIND OF FAN AM I?!?!?!
Seriously, I wanted them to lose for about ten minutes. During that time I talked it out with MDLL.
Me: I can't take this pressure. I want them to lose.
MDLL (slightly laughing at me): What? Why?
Me (near tears): The Patriots will slaughter them for ruining their perfect season!!
MDLL: Orrrr...the Giants could win again.
Me (crying): BUT, WHAT IF THEY DON'T!?!?
MDLL(smiling and hugging me): It will be okay. I promise.
A vodka soda later:
Me: What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I want the Giants to lose? I need to get to the bottom of this. I would rather them lose the Championship rather than try to win the Superbowl? What the hell? Is it because they will be heartbroken if they lose the Superbowl? So what, at least they got there! At least they tried!! Isn't not trying worse than failing?? I mean, failing is better than not trying.
MDLL (smiling, eyebrows raised): ...
Me: Look at my life! I am not scared to do anything except the things that mean the most to me, ie writing, drawing, and creating! I am so scared to be judged about the things I care the most about! But, who is judging??? WHO? I'm failing right now because I'm not trying!! At least the Giants are trying!
MDLL (drinking his beer, staring at me): ...
Me: It's my mother. My mom was so mean and judgmental when I was a kid. I wanted her to like me, but she never did! I wanted everyone to like me so I didn't try because I didn't want to be better than anyone. That's all changed now!! My mom likes me and I like her and the people in my life would love me if I was successful! And they would all love me if I tried and failed! It's like Meet the Robinsons: KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
MDLL then said lovely personal things about his life which I will not share here. More hugs and kisses.
Me: Okay, I want the Giants to win now. LET'S GO BLUE!
Monday, January 23
I'm dragging ass today. Dragging. Ass.