Van Goghnuts

I can't believe how nervous I am to paint right now.

I'm not going to be any good.

I'm going to be embarrassed to show someone.

I should just leave.

This is dumb. Why do I think I WOULD be any good? I've never been trained to paint in my life. Do I think I'm Van Gogh? Should I be able to paint a masterpiece?

I never allow myself to learn, I just expect to be good at something immediately. Isn't that strange?? How can I have such low self- esteem and high self-expectations at the same time?

Is that WHY I have low self esteem? Because I don't think I'm good enough at anything, even things I've never tried before??

Oy vey.