Smile, Fatty!

I'm smiling because I'm so happy I decided to write.  Of course the reason I came on here isn't a reason to smile, although I have to admit it is pretty ridiculous.

I searched all my old blog posts for the word "pounds" to track my weight through the years. Oy vey! 

I am STRUG-GLE-LING with my weight right hardcore.  I tried Weight Watchers last May. I started at 212, got down to 200, went up to 206 around the holidays, then stayed there the rest of this year.  

I don't think WW helped me much because I basically eat all the zero point foods all the time - eggs, fruits, veggies. It's not like I have a Big Gulp and fries every day! 

So I quit WW and decided to start counting calories and get a FitBit.  This past June I tracked every day and got 10K+ steps most days. I didn't lose any weight.

Last month I was so depressed that I decided to go to a trainer for a few sessions. I went to the gym three times a week, plus the 10K steps.  Guess what happened?  According to MyFitnessPal records:

June 25th - 206.6

August 13th - 208.8

Today, September 5th - 212

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  WHY AM I GAINING?  It's the first time I've been going to the gym regularly in like 15 years! Fuck this shit!

I've known that my bipolar medication Risperdal has made me gain weight and will make it harder for it to come off, but GEEZ.  It's not fair!  My doctors told me to go on Metformin, a diabetic medication used to control blood sugar that helps with weight loss, but I really don't want to take another fucking pill.

I'm going to keep working out and watching what I eat for a couple more months. If I keep gaining, I will DEFINITELY take the Metformin because I really don't know what else I can do besides shoot myself.

I miss the good ole days of 2011 when I first got sick from gluten and was afraid to eat. I think my lowest was 156.  So that's 8 years, 60 pounds. I gained a 2nd grader.  Boooooo....