Okay I lied.

I'm not over that guy yet. I'm home sick today and I just found out that his long distance girlfriend is in the office. I can't stop crying.

I like this guy so much and he knows it. It's been almost eight months now and it won't stop. Every time I think I'm over him he either says or does something that makes me like him again. It fucking blows.

Donovan (his new alias) is everything I ever wanted. He's funny, smart, warm, silly, and just an overall good guy. He's got a big build and warm face, a real life teddy bear. I think he's absolutely beautful inside and out.

I've never had lukewarm feelings for anyone. If I like you, I love you. I love Donovan with my heart and soul. It hurts so much not to have it reciprocated. It's torture having my dream guy just out of reach.

I have no idea what I would have done had I been in the office today. I think I would have laid under my desk in the fetal position and waited for her to leave. I can't help but feel that he betrayed me in some way by bringing her on my turf. Maybe it's the fact that he didn't consider my feelings about it, but then again why should he? My world revolves around me, his world revolves around him.

At this point I've had such a roller coaster relationship with Donovan in my fantasy world that I can't even imagine what it would truly be like in reality. I don't know why I can't just let go. There's no reason to have hope after this long.

I signed up for eharmony a couple of weeks ago. It's okay, much better than shopping for sausage on Match. I'm practically forcing myself to be interested in the guys on there, but I can't. I think I should just accept that I'm in a miserable dating rut and leave it at that.

Shitballs.