Ramble On

I did something very scary this week. I told my bosses I was going to start interviewing for a new job.

Hmm. That was interesting. When I sat down to write I thought I'd be pouring out my insecurities, yet when I finished the above sentences I felt strong, confident, and right as rain.

I told Fi how unproductive, unmotivated, and flat out useless I feel at work. For someone with a good work ethic, feeling like this is worse than death. What is the point of "working" 40+ hours a week if I don't feel good about it? Most of last week was spent walking around with Furbie, hanging with peeps on 10, or doing Sudoku in Stella Bumpkiss. Seriously not cool.

So I did what any bipolar person with $30K in debt would do. Quit without actually quitting, without having another job lined up.

There's three reasons I did this:

1. I didn't want to lie to Fi. She's the big sister I never had: funny, smart, and lovingly mean. I like her a lot so the last thing I want to do is feed her bullshit when I go on interviews. Plus she's pregnant and while I've done plenty of things in my life to guarantee a first class ticket to hell, I can't be deceitful to an unborn child.

2. Our department is already hiring so there's a humongous chance they'd find my resume online.

3. I have lots of real doctor visits coming up. Cicely's gone, but the pain's not. I got my blood work back and I have hypothyroidism. I thought only obese smokers had this, but my mom told me it's very common. An underactive thyroid can contribute to a bunch of things like depression (me!), weight gain (me!), and dry skin (I did get eczema last year), but it's definitely not the cause of my abdominal pain. Next stop, gastroenterologist.

So there you have it. I'll be leaving Company in the near future. To do what, I have no clue.

I blame Led Zeppelin. Ramble On was in my head all week.

Leaves are falling all around, It's time I was on my way.
Thanks to you, I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay.
But now it's time for me to go. The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain, and with it pain, and it's headed my way.
Sometimes I grow so tired, but I know I've got one thing I got to do...

*Ramble On, And now's the time, the time is now, to sing my song.
I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl, on my way.
I've been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On,
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams.

Got no time to for spreadin' roots, The time has come to be gone.
And to' our health we drank a thousand times, it's time to Ramble On.

* Chorus

Mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear.
How years ago in days of old, when magic filled the air.
T'was in the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a girl so fair.
But Gollum, and the evil one crept up and slipped away with her, her, her....yeah.

* Chorus

Gonna ramble on, sing my song. Gotta keep-a-searchin' for my baby...
Gonna work my way, round the world. I can't stop this feelin' in my heart
Gotta keep searchin' for my baby. I can't find my bluebird!