You mean you don't know him?!?!?

I've unfortunately had this conversation quite a few times:

Me: "...I went to Rutgers."

Idiot: "Oh you went to Rutgers? I know this guy Joe that went there. Do you know him?"

Me: "Um well, Joe what?"

Idiot: "I don't remember, but he has brown hair, kind of tall, was a PoliSci major, grew up in Jersey..."

Me: "Oh you mean JOE! The guy with two arms and two legs!! Riiiight..."

I've heard this kind of moronic question is not limited to alma maters. For example:

Idiot: "Oh you're gay!! You must know Christopher."
Idiot: "Oh you're black!! You must know Terrell Owens."
Idiot: "Oh you're blind, deaf, and mute!! You must know Helen Keller."

Well folks, I'm afraid to admit that I was the idiot today.

I was sitting on the V train in one of those sideway seats, you know, where you're looking straight at the people in the regular facing seats. There was this white haired old woman sitting in front of me, two people next to her. When the seats next to her cleared a white haired old man sat next to the white haired old woman. In my blonde mind, my first thought was:

Me the Idiot: "Oh you're both old with matching white hair! You must know each other!"

This seemed like a perfectly logical conclusion to me. I sat there wondering if the woman decided not to dye her hair so that she and her husband would look like twins. I wondered if their children thought it cute. I wondered if their friends called them "Mr. and Mrs. Cottonball Heads". I wondered all sorts of things like this, until I slowly started to noticed something odd...

Smart Me: If they know each other then why aren't they talking?

Me the Idiot: Oh they must have had a fight.

Smart Me: Okay so they had a fight. But they don't even look comfortable around each other. In fact the woman keeps nervously playing with her bag like she's just altogether uncomfortable. Why isn't he calming her down?

Me the Idiot: Maybe it was a really big fight.

Smart Me rolls eyes at Me the Idiot. Time passes. Me the Idiot senses Smart Me thinks I'm an idiot. Me the Idiot starts to rant.

Me the Idiot: Maybe they're tired. Maybe they've been together so long they have nothing to say. Maybe...wait now she's getting up. Oh she's getting off the train. Wait, why isn't he getting...ooohhhhh...gotcha...

Smart Me: Yeah. You're fucking brilliant.

Siiiigh...