Embarrassed

A friend of mine joked the other day that I don't write anymore now that I have a boyfriend. It's true that there are some things I'd like to share about my relationship and don't, mainly because I'd hate to fuck anything up with him. Tat reads Thighs now (hiya!) and while he's cool with my past (!!) he may not be cool with me divulging personal things about us online. I'm okay with this because he's hot.

A bigger reason as to why I haven't been writing is work. I'm embarrassed to admit that once again I am fighting with my boss. Tennis is the worst manager I've ever had. This is saying a lot considering how Soaps treated me toward the end of my Company stint.

My boss took a mental leave of absence after his boss was fired. Tennis had no one to mimic anymore and completely lost his identity. He didn't know his ass from his elbow, so he gave up trying to figure out which is which. (I heard he had his arm bent over the toilet seat waiting to take a shit for hours.) He also gave up on me and Breen, basically giving us nothing to do all summer.

Since the job I was hired for is pretty easy, I decided to take on some special projects. At the beginning of this year I created project plans for two new inventory applications that would strengthen the integrity of our department and help automate our reporting. Unfortunately they got cancelled because most of the IT resources were assigned to Oracle, so I jumped on that project team to have something to do.

A few weeks later a HUGE warehouse project was approved that heavily involved all of Supply Chain. Tennis and I had run the initial analyses on it, so naturally we were both brought on to give our input. Problem is Tennis doesn't give much input on anything, whereas I have an opinion about EVERYTHING. The head of the division would ask us questions and Tennis would say, "Thighs what do you think?" so often that after a while people stopped asking him. I eventually became the project lead for the NY Office while he took a backseat to the whole thing.

I'd like to say I was okay with this, but I wasn't. I'm still yearning to have a boss that will lead, teach, inspire, and empower me. It drives me crazy to know I can run circles around Tennis. Just once I would love to have a boss that is a mentor, that will help me succeed. I think Red was that boss, but I wasn't mature enough to understand it at the time. Hell, I wasn't sane enough either.

The summer continued with me doing my projects and Tennis drinking coffee. I'd get frustrated and bored, but what else is new. Then SURPRISE! Tennis got a new boss the end of August and everything changed.

I'm sort of getting bored with this post now, so I guess I'll go into the quick hits. It's a shame really because this is the juicy stuff.

Sept WK1: New boss, who I'll call Nun asks me to tell him everything I do. I tell him. He immediately realizes that Tennis doesn't manage me well, considering I'm off doing my own thing.

Sept WK2: Nun confronts Tennis about this, Tennis gets pissy with me, I get pissy right back (mature!). At the same time I had to do a lot of testing for Oracle so I didn't send out a report two weeks in a row. It was completely my fault and totally the wrong time to fuck up because Tennis was looking for some ammunition.

Sept WK3: Tennis and I barely acknowledge each other. Neither of us tries to diffuse the situation. I have visions of him shoving his own head in his ass, ala this guy.

I call out sick on the wrong day. Finance tells Head (of the division) I owe them something in regards to Oracle. He flips out (like really flips out, I work with a bunch of rageaholics...Mom?), calls Nun and Tennis, flips out on them, and then everyone flips out on each other. Meanwhile I'm playing mini-golf with Tat in Staten Island.

The next day I get to work, see my emails and tell Head I don't owe Finance anything, they made a mistake. Finance apologizes for the mix-up. Tennis comes storming into my office saying, "You don't do any work here! You've been babied this whole time!" over and over again. I say, "Where is this coming from? How have I been babied?!?" He says, "You know how you've been babied." (This is how every conversation is with Tennis. He never answers any fucking questions, he just responds with ridiculous one liners.) This continues for a good twenty minutes until I say, "I want a meeting with Head, Nun, and HR right now. If you're going to sit here and tell me I haven't done any work for the past year and a half then I want everyone to hear it."

I guess he figured I was going to get my ass handed to me, but it was quite the opposite. Head got so pissed at Tennis for what he said and countered all of it with "You do great work, you're very smart, and we're very happy to have you here." He did say that he doesn't think I'm challenged enough and that he gets the feeling I'm a third baseman playing second. I said absolutely, if there's any way I could become a Supply Chain business analyst or project manager (I'm currently an inventory analyst), I'd love to transfer. Fuck Tennis and his stupidity. Head also said he'd like me to work on my demeanor, everyone knows how I feel the minute I feel something. Yes, that's right, I'm still a mood ring...

Sept WK4 - this week:

Basically I kept my head down and my mouth shut for the most part. This is hard for me to do, but I tried. I really did. The good news is my projects are chugging along and I never forgot to send out that fucking report.

The bad news is Tennis got worse. He confuses people, stutters over his words, still avoids making decisions, or answering questions. We got into it a couple of times. Nun got involved once. I never bash Tennis outright because I don't want to be insubordinate (again), so I always phrase it as "What am I doing wrong?" or "What can I do to fix the situation?". Tennis doesn't have any solutions, nor does he have any examples of me fucking up. It's ridiculous, but there's nothing I can do about it. Well except leave, which brings me to...

This week:

I'm pretty emotional this week, so I let his shit get to me. Today he started in with me and we got into a fight again. He said if I worked as much as I complained, then I'd really be doing stuff. I was like are you fucking kidding me? What am I not doing?? No answer. He never has an answer. Then he said you always complain. I said you asked me what was wrong and what are the issues. Telling you what the issues are is not a complaint, it's a fucking issue. (By the way, I didn't curse at all.) He kept going for a few minutes when I finally said enough. He said well if you don't like it here then you should just quit. I said until I do I want all of our communication to be in writing, so that it can be forwarded to Nun and HR.

For those of you who've worked with me you know a few things about Office Thighs: I'm passionate, I work smart, I have issues with frustration and mood swings, and I don't deal well with idiots. My boss is an idiot. For him to say I don't do anything is such fucking bullshit. To say I'm a complainer, I'm not sure if that's true. I solve problems and if something's a problem it's usually because someone (not always me) complained about it.

Here's the embarrassing part. I cried. When he left my office I cried for about an hour. I couldn't get up, I couldn't move. There was other shit going on this week outside of work that really bothered me too and I guess the tears came out for both reasons. I called Nun. He came to my office and I told him everything. I'm not sure how I feel about him either, but the one thing I can say is he's definitely not an idiot. So that's good.

Nun told me I'm doing a great job and that he's heard from quite a few people that I've had a positive impact on Minnow. He also said he's sick of Tennis and I fighting, that the two of us need to figure it out like adults. I agreed, but I also said that I cannot sit here and be told that I don't do any work anymore when quite frankly I've been dealing with a lot of shit that Tennis should be handling. He said he'll talk to him about it. We shall see.

So there ya have it. The real reason I haven't written is because I'm fucking sick of hearing myself think, talk, and type about my work problems. I hate that I'm once again coming up to the two year mark at a new company and I'm ready to walk. I'm tired of moving jobs, I'm tired of fighting, and I'm really fucking tired of having a boss.

I'm also really scared I'm going to have these same problems at my next gig. I don't think I can handle it, which is why I haven't started looking yet.

Now I'm totally embarrassed. I'd rather tell the world how I picked my nose and wiped it on the carpet then write about this. (I did that the other day. I'm not proud.)

In a related story (not booger related), I've been playing the lottery more in the past three weeks than I have my whole life. I've won about $20 so far. Come on Mega Millions!!