Wednesday, December 9


I was on the phone with my mom just now and she said, "Oh by the way, you bought an Ethiopian family a goat." I replied, "That's great news, mom." and went on to tell her how I'm feeling now that I'm on a higher dosage of Synthroid. (Pretty good!)

A few minutes later she said, "Yeah Huey, Duey, and Louie (my three male teenage cousins) aren't going to be happy that they aren't getting the $75 I usually send them."

Me: "Why, did you buy them something instead?"

Mom: "I bought them goats."

Me: "Wait what??"

Mom: "I bought all of you goats. Well, I bought goats in your name to give to starving people in Ethiopia. It was $30 a goat, so I'll send them $45 and give them a heads up that they'll be getting thank you letters from the families they helped."

Me: "MOM! You can't do that! You don't tell someone you're giving to charity instead of giving them a gift!"

Mom: "Hey $45 is still a lot of money!"

Me: "I know it is, but that's such bullshit! You're like George Costanza! What is this The Goat Fund???"

Mom: "I wanted to give to charity, so I'm giving to charity!!"

Me: "Then give to charity, but don't tell someone else they have to! 'I got a goat for Christmas'. That's horrible!"

Mom: "What is it that you always say when you don't want to talk about something anymore?"

Me: "A fucking goat?? Seriously??"

Mom: "Oh I know what it is, 'I'm done talking about this!'"

Me: "Fine. We're done."



Melissa said...

I JUST finished telling Jim that I think we should give to charities instead of buying the usual crap for his family members. His reaction was very similar to yours. Too bad your mom and I don't exchange gifts!

Jennifer Juniper said...

Horrible idea! Unless you give that PLUS the usual gift. Yeah, I'm with you Shannon.

Hey Melissa, not trying to sound confrontational or anything, but since Shannon didn't get an answer from her mom, I'll ask you. Why would you do that? It's like forcing someone to give to charity. Sure you don't owe anyone gifts in the first place, but still... At the very least ask them what charity THEY'D like to give to most. Maybe there's something more important to them than say, getting goats for Ethiopians. :-P

Anonymous said...

JJ - To clarify, I would never do this for kids or anyone under 21 or so. I also agree that you should ask the person what charity they'd like to give to. For me personally, I get the same crap every year from my inlaws and would rather the money go to something I care about. It is always challenging to buy for certain people too because they seem to either have everything or like nothing (have no interests, hobbies, etc.). When asked what they want, they might say "I don't need anything" - and I believe them. On the other hand, if a person asks for a specific gift, or I have a great idea of something they actually could use/would love, I am not opposed to getting a "real" gift.

Melissa said...

Anonymous = Melissa hitting the wrong button

lou said...

ha! you got a goat for christmas, that's hilarious!

i think your mom unintentionally gave the gift of humor.

Anonymous said...

I missed you Shanbra!