Saturday, February 20


It's Saturday night. I'm home relaxing, sitting here smelling the rancid toot I just laid while trying to ignore the five inch roll hanging over my sweatpants both of which are due to the plethora of beers I drank this past week.

There's a million things I wanted to post about recently, but at this point I think I'm over it. My last post pretty much sums it up anyways, so there's no need to dive into the disappointing details. I have nothing against bananas (JJ!) it just seemed a fitting fruit choice considering the source of my stress this week has one. In his pants. Penis.

Despite all of the drama of late I learned a few things:

1. It's never cool to toy with someone's emotions. Uncle Ben said "with great power comes great responsibility." As much as I don't want to think of love as a power struggle, at times it can be. If you know someone likes you, it's your responsibility to behave in a way that lets them know where they stand and doesn't give mixed signals. Nothing's worse than thinking one thing and finding out the complete opposite is true. Who likes to feel crazy and/or delusional?? Been there, done that and it ain't fun.

This realization led me to make a really hard decision. I told Tat that we can't be friends right now. We hung out last Friday and it was clear we cannot have a platonic relationship, and I don't just mean physically. We have an emotional bond that I've never had with someone else before, one that could cause a lot of pain if it's mistreated. Even though I'll really miss him, I know it's the right thing to do.

2. I'm not damaged goods. I was telling Banana how I'm sick of being creatively frustrated and that I need to rip the band-aid off and go for it. His response was "Are you saying you're damaged goods?" I thought this was a really odd question to ask based on the conversation, but I realize now this question wasn't about me, it was about him.

My answer was a resounding "No." It was the first time in my life that I knew in my core and in my soul that I am definitely not damaged goods. Sure I've been refurbished a few times, but I don't see that stopping any time soon especially if my definition of mint keeps changing.

3. Listen to my gut. Not my beer gut, my instinct gut. My beer gut sounds like a clogged drain. My instinct gut sounds like the woman I want to be.

4. My friends are the most important people in my life. This week would have been a lot shittier if it wasn't for those who comforted me and for the ones I know who would have if they were here.

5. I'm fine!!! Really, I am. I allowed myself to mourn, cry, and feel down without sinking into a massive depressive episode. My new year's resolution still stands. I will be positive and keep moving forward!!

That being said...thank Shizza this week is over!

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