Friday, April 30


I used to love writing about poopage. Unfortunately after my colonoscopy in '07 there's way less entertaining shiterial to share.

Interestingly enough, I was just telling Rolo and some friends this a couple of hours ago. Apparently my subconscious decided this was unacceptable and granted me with a somewhat blog-worthy poop experience.

We were at the new outdoor drinking bar in Astoria (I refuse to say "new beer garden" because it will never replace the old one). After a sangria and 4 or 5 Magic Hats I was feeling good, then all of a sudden a poop baby starting kicking the literal shit out of my intestines.

It's been quite a while since my IBS/common ass cold has deterred me from my nights out on the town, but this episode got me good.

I quietly sat there for a good twenty minutes, politely waiting for an opening in the conversation to say my good-byes. It finally came and holy fuck was the fifteen minute walk home freakin' brutal. I don't know what triggered the pains, but I'm guessing it was a combination of the hot mustard on my pretzel and irony. I seriously thought I was going to shit my pants a half a block away from my apartment and to be honest, I seriously didn't care.

Fortunately I made it home without any messes. I didn't know what was going to happen once I got my pants down so i just took them off to be safe.

All I can say is WOW. It was like giving bum birth to septuplets.

Afterwards I giggled and laid on the couch with a smile. And then I wrote this.

Thank God For Pooping!


Heather said...

I love that you are so one with your bowels. ;)

Rob Steen said...

Amazing! More stories about poopage please.

literating said...

I feel like I somehow contributed to your successful poop. And, the same thing happened to me last night, and willing the cab to DRIVE FASTER, GODDAMMIT didn't really work.