Wednesday, April 29

Slackin' Dackin

I thought I should write since I'm buzzed, online, wearing shorts (if Bacon wasn't here I'd be pantsless), and haven't posted in a while. Slackin' dackin.

How do I sum up my life lately? The word of the day...freedom.

I don't feel free at all. I feel bound by my poor decisions of the past 10 years in regards to finances, men and my health, bound by my self-consciousness and paranoia, bound by my career path, bound by everything. I say/write all this knowing full well that I'm not really bound by any of these things (except maybe my debt), it's just an epiphany I had today that I'm still making sense of.

What do I consider freedom? Waking up on a beautiful day like today and not having to go to work. Wearing a bathing suit without shorts (it all comes back to the thighs). Writing, drawing, creating without self-constraint or fear. Traveling. Buying things without worrying about my budget. Not having to think about finding a boyfriend. Not wondering if this is what my life will be like for the next 40 years.

Do you see the common bond to all these things? They're almost all negative statements! Without and not. Where's the with and will?? I have to consciously force myself to say positive things. It's positively annoying.

I'll end with Tourette's:


Sometimes it's just nice to curse it out.

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