Tuesday, June 28

Breaking up...again.

MDLL and I are breaking up. Well, I broke it off last night, but we are going to hang out the next two nights for his birthday. So it's like a break up week.

The new information brought up some things I ignored for the past four months because a) I wasn't feeling well, b) he made me feel TONS better, c) I was SUPER happy, and d) I thought things were changing.

I was hoping MDLL would spend our week apart reflecting and taking action. He didn't. I don't know if he will for a while.

The other issue besides his complacency was the lack of romance. MDLL hasn't gone out of his way to get me a gift or do something thoughtful, take me out on a date he planned himself, or verbalize his feelings. I thought it was just a boy thing or his way, but now I realize it is a reflection of what he thinks of me. I'm still a friend with benefits after all this time.

We're right back to where we always end up - I am committed to him on all levels, but he isn't committed to me.

This morning I felt guilty about my decision. It was combination guilt of putting my needs first and leaving him at a rough (?) time.

By the afternoon I was proud. I can honestly say I tried my hardest to make things work. July 6th would have been ten months since we met. This was my longest adult relationship, even with the breaks in between. I broke six months, woo hoo!! I would have went even longer if given the chance. Hell, I would have married him if he asked.

Who knows? Maybe down the road we try again. My gut says this is it, though. I need and deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me.

I am ready to move on.


Stevie said...

I applaud this decision, and especially your point about his failure to do those little thoughtful things -- as you know, I was with someone similar, and it did not turn out well. When a guy is over the moon for you, he makes sure you know it. (They're not too complicated, actually.) So this will suck (and stop dragging it out!) but you will find someone who offers it all!

Jennifer Juniper said...

What she said.