Thursday, June 21

Anxious Hot Love

MDLL flies to Pittsburgh tonight.  I fly to Vegas on Monday.  We both get back on Friday.  After almost two years (UNREAL), we are closing one chapter and opening another.

I've been pretty anxious all week.  Sunday night I had some tummy issues, a panic attack, and hot flashes.  I barely slept.  I then seemed to have some sort of allergic reaction to the heat on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Hot flashes again, then my throat closed up and my skin got beat red as soon as I walked outside at lunch.  It's annoying, but seems manageable today.  I'm pounding Gatorade and water, walking at a zombie-like pace, and staying out of the sun as much as possible.  I feel a bit nauseous, but it's probably all of the liquids!

Like always, it's a combination of things with me - I'm anxious about MDLL, sensitive to the heat, PMSing, and nerv-cited for Vegas.  Let's break this shit down:

I'm doing all I can to beat the heat, save ditching work and going swimming.  It will be interesting to see how I react to the Vegas climate; I wonder if the humidity is the problem and not the temperature.

Vegas will be a blast!!  I'm more excited than nervous.  I have no idea what to expect!  At least now I'll be more careful about staying hydrated and cool.  As for the work conference, I'm a bit nervous about selling Biz.  I know I'm a natural schmoozer, but I'm a bit insecure about some of the business processes.  Hopefully Iron and Miron will always be in earshot to help me if I get stumped.

PMS?  Boring.  Been there done that.

MDLL. Okay, I just cheesily smiled when I wrote his name.  I'm really excited for us.  I'm happy and proud of him.  I hope once the papers are signed he immediately feels lighter.  I know I will!

I've written about this before, wondering what our relationship will be like without the elephant in the room.  I believe it will be amazing as always.  He's become my best friend, my love, my rock, my everything. I am in awe of how much we love each other.  I cannot believe it finally happened nor can I believe I spent most of my life pining and whining over guys who didn't deserve me or didn't love me back.  When it's right, it's right.  It wasn't easy to deal with his separation and pending divorce at times, but it brought us closer together and made our relationship stronger. 

I used to think love should be easy, but this idea is too vague for me now.  Life is full of challenges, obstacles, stress, etc....of course it will be hard. I've reworded this idea for myself to LOVING should be easy.  Loving MDLL has always been easy, even through our rough spots.  We love each other for who we are, faults and all. Sure sometimes I want to punch and murder him, but at the end of the day when I simmer down, I love him more than anything.  Easy peasy.

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