Thursday, January 17

Dream: Our Wedding Day

My parents, extended family, and friends from throughout my life were standing outside, within the outer wall of a big fort/castle type of building.

I was getting dressed inside the fort in a nearby room, one that kept switching between my grandmother's bedroom and a hotel room.  It was my wedding day. My outfit switched between jeans and a long white tunic, to a white flowy top and pants men would wear in the desert.  My mom came in, but I don't recall what she said.

I looked at myself in the mirror.  My veil was short and white with blue beaded and gemmed tassles dangling down the front like dreadlock bangs.  The neckline of my white shirt also had blue beads and gems. Both my veil and shirt clashed with the huge tacky blue earrings I was wearing, so I took them out. 

Hanging on a nearby rack was my mom's wedding dress and accessories.  I took the beaded veil off and put on my mother's flower crown, which was yellowed from age.  I hoped she would like that I was wearing it.

I cried the whole time I was getting ready.  All I kept thinking was, "I don't love MDLL. I don't want to marry him."  I sobbed and sobbed.

When I got outside my dad gave me a hug.  I told him I didn't want to go through with the wedding.  He said it was too late now.  A friend came over, but I don't know who she was as her face was blurry. I believe it was an acquantaince from high school (Becky Pepe, maybe?), which is odd because we weren't close.  She hugged me and said, "It will all be okay. You DO love each other, it's just really hard right now."

As I approached MDLL he wiped his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was crying because he loved me or didn't want to get married either. We had been fighting every day up until the wedding.  I was afraid he would leave me at the altar, yet I wished I had the guts to leave him there.

The ceremony took one second.  We were married, but we didn't see each other for a couple of days. I finally called him.  I said, "Husband?"  He answered, "Wife?" I smiled, my heart filling with love for him like the old days.

No need to analyze this dream, huh?  Welcome to my subconscious, friends. It's a hoot in there!!

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