Friday, January 18

Tom's of Maine

A few months ago I made the switch from regular toothpaste to Tom's of Maine natural toothpaste.  I read most toothpastes may have sugar or at least a bit of saccharin in them, so I decided to ditch the old stuff and go hippie.  I love it.  Whenever I use regular toothpaste it tastes gross now.

I started using Tom's Naturally Dry anti-perspirant and deodorant a while back as well.  I don't remember having an opinion about it, so I'm assuming it was fine.  I ran out of it a few weeks ago and accidentally grabbed their Long Lasting Deodorant, rather than the sweat reducing one.


About 3-4 hours after applying their "deodorant", I smell like I'm storing Blimpies in my armpits.  It is awful.  I've always been a big sweater since puberty.  I was the kid in class who had huge sweatpockets or smelled waaaaaayy too much like Secret because I was afraid I stunk.  Oddly enough I only remember getting made fun of about it once, but that one time was enough.

In college my doctor prescribed me Drysol, a hardcore anti-perspirant for excessive sweaters.  You apply the roll-on liquid before bed and to ensure it stays put, they recommend you wear a tight t-shirt or SARAN WRAP YOUR PITS.  I believe I saran wrapped once. I felt like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes.  Actually, I'm surprised I never created the whole dress...

My word Drysol burns, especially if you get it on the non-pit part of your underarm.  It friggin works though, probably because it's cauterizing your sweat glands.  A new Thighs was born - a pitstain free one who now extended her whole arm out to flag the bartender rather than timidly try to get his attention with a T-rex reach.

I'm not sure how long I used Drysol...maybe 4 or 5 years?  I never really had the excessive pit-sweat problem after that, but I'm sure that has more to do with being on thyroid medication now. You know, because everyone over 30 LOOOOVES blaming their thyroid for things.  I still sweat a lot when it's hot out or I'm exercising (??), but on a normal day I don't have to worry about raising my arm and looking like a band teacher.  Example*:

That said, it is now apparent I need to wear both anti-perspirant and deodorant AND ditch the natural stuff.  If I smell like processed meats, I might as well use processed odor protection.

This post was written for anyone who had the unfortunate experience of smelling me as of late. SORRY!  I bought two boxes of Secret Clinical Strength yesterday. You're welcome.

*Yes, a normal day is me pretending to get balloon splooge in my eye.

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