Monday, January 21

Love Wounds

The AQ girls and I went to brunch on Saturday, then kept drinking for ten more hours.  It was a blast, per usual!! 

Also per usual, I saw MDLL.  He texted me around 10pm or so saying he really needs to talk and wanted to see me.  It sounded urgent (as urgent as a text can sound), so I told him to meet me at my place. 

This was dumb.

I woke up around 8am. He was in bed lying next to me. I was like, "MDLL, what the fuck happened last night?"  The only thing I remembered was poorly rolling a joint.  Ever wipe and find twisted toilet paper strands in your undies next time you go to the bathroom?  That's what my joint looked like.

He came over to tell me he loves me, misses me, and wants to get back together.  I told him no.

I'm done. Super done. It breaks my heart that we didn't work out, but I can't do this anymore.  We are broken up and we need to start acting like it. Each time we speak or hang out we have to breakup all over again. Our wounds will never heal at this rate. We're picking the scab, then pouring salt on it. It's horrible.

I'm not sure what to do.  I don't want to ignore his calls or be mean. I don't want to avoid Crazy Ass, although I do make a point of going there when I know he won't be.  If there was a way to speed up the healing process I would do it for the both of us.  Relationship Neosporin, if you will.

I love MDLL as I do an old friend.  I don't feel IN love with him anymore. I hate the line, but I really don't know any other way to describe how I feel right now.

I want to be with someone who spazzes out over life, love, and me.  MDLL is too passive to spaz out over anything. While I appreciate his calming demeanor and want someone who is my rock, I also want someone who is fun-nuts like I am.  Okay, maybe I'm nuts-nuts, but you know what I mean.


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