Wednesday, October 12

Eight Days to Monego!

You know the hardest part about getting married?

It's not MD's nerves (and boy, is he nervous). It's not my nerves or mania (well, more on that later). It's not the commitment, although strangely enough I'm having dreams where I'm hooking up with randos. It's not the planning or the money or any of the normal stuff.

No, for me, the hardest part about getting married is the love.

I've never felt this loved in my entire life.

I fell in love with MD pretty quickly. It took him about a year later to fall in love with me. I'm not exactly sure when I was fully able to accept his love.  I think it might have been December 2012. I probably wrote about it. We broke up "FOR GOOD" on Election Day. Stuff happened, then one day right before Christmas I left my apartment to buy Rippie a gift. MD was standing at my door. He missed his flight and couldn't get another one until the next day. When he left the airport, all he could think about was me, so he came right over. It is the only time he's ever surprised me.

We didn't officially get back together that night because he still was dragging his feet on his divorce, but I think it was then that I realized how much he loved me and truly accepted it.

This summer I came to terms with the fact that my parents love me.

And now, with 130 people coming to my wedding and 50 others who wish they could be there, and the amazing well wishes from people I didn't invite, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that my friends love me, too.

Isn't it ridiculous I am unaware of this?  I mean, I love my friends more than anything. Of course they love me back! It's just that I never really consciously thought about it.


Holy shit.

What is this life???

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