For fuck's sake.

I burned a bag of popcorn in the microwave at 12:30am last night.

I said to myself, "Self, don't put it in for 3 minutes. You'll forget about it and start a fire."

Well, I didn't listen. I was way too caught up in something that I totally forgot about the popcorn until I smelled burning. I whipped open my microwave door and smoke filled my kitchen. I grabbed a towel and tried blowing the smoke out the window, wondering what the smoke signal for "boobies" is. Eventually the smoke cleared, but the stench lingered all night. My neighbors most definitely hate me.

I wouldn't mind making this honest mistake if it wasn't for two things:

1. I was known to burn popcorn so often at Schlepasslick that I was banned from using the microwave.

2. That "something" I was caught up in was watching a cat-fight on Rock of Love.

Moron.