Work dilly (continued)
On Friday I was also told to call Mags at his hotel while he is on vacation with his family. WTF? I call, he asks what's going on, I tell him everything. His response was, "Huh. I'm hearing a very different story from you than I did from GP." It turns out GP told Mags I was unsupportive and rude to him in a meeting on Thursday.
I flipped. I had no idea what Mags was talking about. I was so pissed! He told me that my behavior was unacceptable. Are you fucking kidding me??
So now I want to leave Company. Know why? It's not because GP is a douchebag...I want to leave because Mags was right.
I am ashamed to admit that I have been disrespectful to a lot of my coworkers, most of them in upper management. I can give you a million reasons why, but I know now that none of them matter. It's pretty painful to realize this, especially when all I've ever wanted to do is make Company a better place. Oy, I've been thinking back to some of the things I wrote and said over the past couple years...who the fuck do I think I am??
Why does humble pie taste like shit? It's fucking pie! Can't we call it humble broccoli rabe? (I hate broccoli rabe.)
Maybe I've been needing this little wake up call for awhile now. Who knows, maybe that's what Red and Soaps were trying to do a few months ago. Either way, I figure I have two options at this point, stay or go.
If I stay I can admit to myself I've been wrong and deal with the consequences like a woman. I can figure out how to work with difficult people here before throwing a tantrum at my next company. I can continue to try to NOT REACT to every little thing. (I've come a long way, but that's not saying much when you're a bipolar Irish broad.) Lastly, I can focus on learning new skills that I wouldn't be exposed to at a bigger company.
If I go, well, I get a clean slate. No preconceived notions, judgments, history, nothing. I can start over, keep my mouth shut, and just do what I'm told...
The sad thing is I'm scared to death of leaving!! There, I admitted it. I'm afraid to leave and find out that I'm a fuck up. I'm afraid to leave and have the same damn problems with communicating, reacting, and managing myself at the next place. I'm also tired; this is my third company and fourth job in six years. I have plenty of friends, I don't need no' mo!
Shit, maybe I'm also scared to find out that I'm good at what I do and that I drove myself crazy at Company for nothing. Wouldn't that be a bitch?
3 comments:
Oh, jeez, I hear you. I think I get it. I constantly get that little voice that says, "I hate this! I'm running away!" It would be so easy, right?? But I agree that you're learning right now about how to deal with difficult people. You're still young so you should cut yourself a little slack. Not too much though. :P If you leave, you'll only be repeating the pattern, just like you said.
In your defense, GP should have talked to you privately about your treatment of him before he took it to Mags. That's pretty crappy on his part too.
Shan, it seems like you figured out that you were in the wrong with GP and you should probably have a sit down with them and tell them that you know you were wrong and your sorry. You should do this if you stay or if you go. It will make you feel better and GP should respect you for being the bigger person and admitting your mistakes. And yoroshiku, GP should not have talked to her privately. In all honestly he probably should have fired her for being insubordinate. Your bosses don't have to take crap from you and they are not there to coddle you.
Sorry, anonymous, I'm sticking with the "crappy" verdict. GP's talked shit about me too and I'm neither incompetent nor insubordinate. Your advice about Thighs having a sit-down with him is sound, though.
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