And all that jazz!

My weekend in Chicago with Fish...

Gosh, I really don't know what I want to write and I REALLY don't know when I started using the word "gosh," but I've been saying it a lot lately.

The main reason I went to Chicago was because I was scared shitless to go. With that I realize this trip was not just a test for Fish, but for myself.

Fish met me at the hotel on Friday. As cliche as it sounds, as soon as I saw him it was like no time had passed since San Diego. I instantly got all warm and fuzzy inside. It felt really good.

Saturday we ran around Chicago taking pics and being silly all day. Completely random, that night Family Guy Live! was in town, which was hysterical since the Family Guy panel at the SDCC was technically our first "date." Seth MacFarlane now gets to hump either Fish or me the next time we see him.

Sunday was cool for the most part, except of course that the FUCKING GIANTS SUCK MY ASS. (More on this when I recap my shitty picks from last week.) I was sort of grumpy after the game and Fish wasn't feeling too well either so I guess you could say we were cranky wankers all day. Sadly we were so cranky that um, yeah, by the end of the night we actually had an argument. An argument!!!

I won't go into specifics, but let me tell you it was not the kind of argument two people who barely know each other have. Words like love, selfish, pushy, hard (not penis hard), sad, bad, compromise, etc. were yelled at each other in the middle of the street...gosh, hearing it now I think we sounded like we were friggin' married. Scary.

I just counted, Fish and I have only breathed the same air for approximately 59 hours in a seven week span. That's less than six cycles of America's Next Top Model! Fuck!

So where does that leave "us?" I have no clue. How do I feel? Well I totally passed my test because I realized something very important this weekend...

I'M NOT BROKEN!!

I'm actually able to like someone who's real, not a fantastical version of who I want him to be like Donovan or FB or Ohio John or who the fuck else. I like someone enough to fly across the country to see him! I like someone enough to argue! I like someone so much that I cream my pants when I think about him!! And the greatest realization...I like someone so much that I want to be the best person I can be, not for him, but for me!!

I get it now! I won't be much good for anyone if I'm not good to myself. I am so proud that I faced my fears and went to see him. I feel wiser, stronger, and better than I have ever felt. It really was an amazing weekend, argument and all.

So shit, I didn't just pass my test...I got an A+ with a gold star on a yellow Success Card!