Monday, September 10

Mean Streaks

Face it, we all have one. When I'm feeling mean I rarely act out on it, but man, when I finally do it will. be. GLORIOUS. Here are my go-to meandreams.

When someone is:

1. bending down to tie their shoe, I push them over, point and laugh at them.

2. walking their dog my scenarios vary between grabbing the dog and running or kicking the dog in the face and standing there, waiting to see what the owner would do.

3. taking up the whole sidewalk by walking side by side with someone else, I either clothesline them both or tackle one of them to the ground, with the hopes of cracking their skull on the pavement.

4. walking and then suddenly stops short, I pull out a megaphone and say "THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE. KEEP MOVING."

5. talking really loud on their cell phone I take said phone and shove it down their throat.

This morning I came up with a new meandream. I can't tell if it's funny, dumb, or a sign I've seen the Breakfast Club too many times. I'll share anyways.

Today I kept imagining going up to people and screaming "I'M THRILLED _____!" Examples:

I'M THRILLED you can blow cigarette smoke in my face as I walk by.
I'M THRILLED you walk slower than my dead grandfather.
I'M THRILLED you didn't fucking shower today and smell like spicy eggfarts.
I'M THRILLED you stuck it to the man by blocking the train doors.
I'M THRILLED you think I have a black woman ass Mr. Delivery Guy.

And last but not least, I'M THRILLED that today I hated everyone for no reason.

So that was my day. It ended on a high note though because I finally saw Superbad. Oh my hell, it was fantastic. Go see it as soon as possible.

Siiighhh...I'M THRILLED to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow.

1 comment:

Girl said...

What can I say? I'm THRILLED!