Hello, Treadmill

Oof.  Just got back from the gym.  I haven't been on a treadmill in three years.  Three!

All I did was speedwalk at 3.5-4 mph for a half hour.  I tried to run and lasted a whole minute.  A minute!

I feel like jello.  Wait, my fat ass always feels like jello.  I feel like Bambi walking on a frozen lake.

This combined with yesterday's pilates is causing some ache-age.  I found something to help ease the pain though...

I keep saying "Whoa Momma" in Johnny Bravo's voice over and over again.  

It makes me giggle.

September Update

I don't know what my deal is lately.  I just haven't felt like posting.  I guess I should expect to feel like this once in awhile...

Here are some highlights from September:

1.  My SVA color theory class is so much fun.  We made a color wheel last week.  I spent three hours cutting pieces of paper and pasting them onto a bigger piece of paper.  JOY!

2.  I've only gone to the gym three times so far.  The first time I got my free session with a trainer who just happened to be a boxing instructor.  We boxed for about a half hour. She said I was a natural!  I'm psyched to take a class one day soon. 

The other two times I went were for pilates.  I am so UNnatural doing them.  Pilates is hard when you have kegs for legs!  I am forcing myself to stay with it though.  It's easy to see improvement in things you suck at doing.

3.  I went to an Introduction to Buddhist Meditation seminar.  It was a great experience.  I definitely want to do it again.

4.  Have I mentioned I'm trying group therapy with Cee?  Well I am; it started a couple of weeks ago.  I'm not sure if I like it yet, although it is making me a better listener.  I'd really like to become a great one.

5.  I LOVE FOOTBALL!!

6.  The Mets made me sad yesterday.  

7.  My OKC dating stopped early this month.  I went on a few more dates with one guy, but I think we're just going to be friends.  It's nice getting laid though.

8.  Not having a credit card is fucking killing me.  I'm embarrassed to share how much debt I am in, but yeah, it ain't good.  Put it this way:  I have never lived on a budget.  Ever.  On a publishing salary, too.  Fucking stupid. 

Rent aside, I only have $160 until October 15th.  On October 16th, I will drink myself into oblivion.  Feel free to join.

9.  And why don't I have any money?  This month I went to two Met games, one Jets game, a wedding in Jersey, got my hair done, and went out eating/drinking about seven times.  This was a typical month for me both socially and financially, except now I can't charge anything to get me to the next paycheck.  

I am 30 years old and shitty with money.  I feel like the biggest loser ever, but I can't let it go on any longer.  I will fucking shoot myself in the face if I'm complaining about my debt at 40.  

BLAM FUCKER!

Stop your fucking booing!!

I hate, hate, hate when supposed fans boo their own players.

The Mets are pissing me off too, but I REFUSE to boo anyone when I'm at the game.

I just read a quote from Luis Castillo...

“I know how it is here,” Castillo said. “The fans want you to do well. I try to do too much. I put too much pressure on myself. I need to be relaxed and enjoy the game. I have to play relaxed. Sometimes when you go to the plate, you’re thinking about the fans and what’s happening. I need to clean my mind.”

Sure he sucked this week by going 0-4 Tuesday night, but seriously...

SHUT THE FUCK UP MET "FANS"! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!!

I'm a viking!

This commercial sums me up perfectly...



whether I'm happy or sad, I'm still throwing something.

I can't tell...

if I have dark blonde hair or light brown hair.

I really wanted to go back to my original color...not sure if it worked though.  

Oh well. Chances are I'll chop it all off next spring. I've been itching to do that again!

It's time!

Congratulations! You are now a NY Sports Clubs member.

You’re signed up and ready to hit the gym. Print a receipt of your membership agreement and present it with a valid photo ID to a membership consultant at any Club location. You will receive a temporary membership card and can start working out immediately. On your next visit, once your membership is fully processed, you’ll get your photo ID taken.

Enough is enough. I want to be hot.

Pieces of Me

Well this is it. There's no turning back now.



I am scared shitless. Good thing I'm drunk.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

Out sick

Fitting after my last post, huh?

I feel like poop. Or maybe I should say I feel like poopING. Stupid Premio sausage at Shea.

At least the Mets won though!

What I gave up.

My last post was going to be a long detailed account of the shitty things that happened at work during the past week. I wrote and rewrote it like five times. Then I gave up and deleted it all.

None of it matters. All that does matter is I need a job, I need insurance, I need a retirement plan, and I need PASSION.

Company is the only place I ever dreamed of working. While my experience there was a bit of a roller coaster, there is no denying my passion for the the characters, the stories, my role, and my friends. It was probably passion overload, but now I can honestly say it was all worth it.

Since I'm no where near becoming a freelance anything (I haven't done a damn thing all summer), what company would I want to work for next? Where would I feel excited and proud to go to every day?

Oh shit. I think I know where.

I'll wait to share, but I will say this: it's definitely not in publishing. That chapter is done.

I give up.

Rainy Rooftops

I was just out on my roof in the rain. I thought it would be a cleansing experience. It wasn't. I got really anxious and scared. I'm not quite sure what happened.

When I got up to the roof I immediately felt insecure, as if all of my neighbors were looking out their windows, judging me for being up there in the rain. I hung back by the side of the stairwell so that no one would notice me.

I realized how dumb I was being and walked over to the rear wall just above my bedroom. Everything was fine until I got scared lightning would hit the antennae a few feet away, I would be electrocuted, and all of my neighbors would say told you so. Of course I'd already be dead and wouldn't actually hear them say this, but it bothered me anyway.

I walked back over to the stairwell to catch my bearings. "What am I doing?? Why am I so friggin' tense??" I had no clue. I forced myself to go back to the wall for a second, took a deep breath, and meditated.

Nothing. I couldn't get in at all.

This was ten minutes ago. I'm still feeling lost. I don't know why it was so jarring. I've gone up on my roof a lot this summer, so I'm definitely not afraid of heights. It's impossible to fall off because the walls are at least 4 feet high. There didn't seem to be anyone around, and really, who cares if there was?

Huh...I think I got something...

Right before I went on my roof, I was dancing in my living room with my iPod on. I didn't realize it was raining until I noticed my window sill was soaked. I closed all of my windows and thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to cool down in the rain? I should go up on my roof." Without hesitation I peed, threw on a shirt (I was in a sports bra), grabbed a towel, and ran upstairs. This took maybe 2 minutes.

That's it! Going on the roof didn't freak me out...it was the impulsiveness!

I am ridiculously impulsive. From shopping sprees, trips, haircuts, what I say, what I do, it's all on impulse. I used to be really bad, but I'm definitely calming down with age.

I went outside in a thunderstorm one night during college. I was standing in the driveway at the back of the house, rain pouring down on me. I started to spin around a bit and then for no apparent reason ripped off my shirt and bra and kept spinning. I was spinning half-naked in the rain. It was pretty awesome.

I have no idea if anyone saw me that night, but I didn't care. It's interesting to me that I felt so insecure today, considering I put a shirt ON to go outside. Maybe that's what this was all about: finding the balance between being a responsible, mature adult while still being the carefree wild-child of my youth.

Is there such a thing as being responsibly impulsive? If I plan to eventually do something on a whim, is it really on a whim? I'll have to think about this some more. I guess that rain really was cleansing...

Some old sketches...

I figured if I'm going to art school, I should probably share some actual artwork huh?

Sadly I don't have anything recent to show. I think a good way to get back into drawing will be to force myself to post some of my art on here.

So here is some of my old stuff. Excuse the scan quality, still trying to figure out how to clean them up.:

Hobgoblin, drawn at age 16



Sabretooth, drawn at age 19



Daredevil, drawn at age 22



Something, drawn at age 30

???