Thursday, January 22

Emotionless Memories of Emotional Times

Most of my memories are associated with emotion. When I go back to Jackson I immediately feel self-conscious and disconnected. A couple of years ago when I saw THE ex-boyfriend I immediately felt a rush of love, passion, confusion, and pain.

I'm assuming this happens to most people. I have to ask though:

Is a memory worth remembering without emotion?

Tonight I was reminded of a very painful and upsetting period a few years back. The interesting thing about it was I didn't actually remember the FEELINGS associated with this memory, rather I simply acknowledged having felt them at the time. I sat there thinking, "Wow. This is weird. Am I uncomfortable hearing this? I don't think I am. I am completely devoid of emotion right now. Who am I??"

And my question includes positive memories as well. Most of the things I liked in my youth still rile up some good feelings. I'm sure if someone threw me a pack of Big League Chew I would beam for hours while I stuffed the whole bag in my mouth in one shot. (Eating it this way is practically mandatory.) In fact, I can't think of anything I used to like that doesn't still make me feel a flicker of joy...

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I'm buzzed and perplexed and in the mood to write. I just find it so interesting that my mind remembered something that my heart forgot.

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