Saturday, September 25

What a night.

I should be taking a disco nap right now, but I can't sleep. I was out until 4am and woke up at 9am. My body is TIRED. I sure hope I feel better soon as I'm meeting up with MD in a few hours. Sweet.

Last night wasn't so sweet. My date with Pool ended on a blah note. We had a few beers, played some pool, and grabbed a quick bite to eat before I headed to Mick's party. I only stayed at the beer garden for an hour, so I came back to meet Pool again after. He was pretty drunk by then and very touchy-feely. Not in a perverted way or anything, more in a completely affectionate and "I like you, Thighs" way. Unfortunately I wasn't feeling it. It sucks because I really do have fun hanging out with him, I just don't want to take it to the next level. Total bummer. We ended the night with a polite break-up discussion. He started it, probably because he could tell I was holding back. I feel really bad and hope we can try to be friends...

I also feel bad because it was stupid of me to go to Mick's party. No good came of it. First off it was so friggin hot out that I couldn't stop the sweaty red and I was ridiculously self-conscious about it the whole time. Second, all of his friends are awesome and it sucks I can't hang out with them. Third, he and I caught each others eye a few times. It wasn't like a lovingly long gaze, but it was more than casual. While this confirmed we do have a connection, it saddens me that I'm still not sure what that connection is. I don't think I have ever been this ridiculously clueless about a guy before. I haven't known shit since day one with Mick. So dumb.

Last dumb thing of the night was our parting discussion. I went to his table and hugged him good-bye. He stopped me and asked why was I leaving. I said I needed to go and he said that I should stay and hang out, that I don't need to leave. He said this a few times. He was really drunk, so who knows what the hell he was thinking but I did feel like he really wanted me to stay. I just couldn't. Then he said he didn't think I wanted to talk to him anymore since I didn't respond to his Facebook comments or text messages. I said I needed time and that I have to go because this is hard for me. I can't remember his response, but I just hugged him and said, "Happy Birthday. I love you, babe."

AARRGGHH!! I swear to Shizza I did NOT mean it like that AT ALL. It just came flying out of my mouth! (TWSS.) He sort of pulled out of the hug and looked at me, then we both mumbled something and I left. It was such a nice (yet awkward) moment until I said that. I was pretty confused by the whole thing and I couldn't get a hold of anyone so I actually called my work phone and left myself a message. I can't wait to hear that shitstorm on Monday.

So yeah, Pool sort of didn't have a chance after that. Blerg. Hopefully things with MD will go well tonight. Fingers crossed!

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