Not OK

I'm sorry Juniper, I lied. I'm not okay.

I invited Mick out tonight and he actually brought a girl with him. I've never felt this something ever. I wrote "something" because I'm not sure how I feel yet. I haven't stopped crying since I met her. I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. It's not even about him hooking up with someone, it's more about him being so fucking inconsiderate to bring a girl out in my presence. There was absolutely positively no reason to invite someone you're dating to hang out with a girl you've hooked up with. None whatsoever except to say I'm done with you.

I've slept with a lot of guys so you would think I'm used to feeling shitty at some point. Nope, this is probably the worst I've ever felt because a "friend with benefits" treated me like I was never his friend at all. This hurts me more than any one night stand ever could.

It's 3am now. I had fun with Bakes and Jarv, but unfortunately every time I peed I cried. Fa! That sounds like it hurt to pee. It didn't, it was just my alone time...

Now that I wrote this I'm already starting to feel better. I've been unsure about my feelings for him from the get-go, so this might really be a blessing in disguise. Obviously he's not into me and since he chose the worst possible way to share that fact I should be able to move on with ease. Maybe not this very minute as I'm bombedly sensitive, but soon.

Until then I have to admit this fucking blows. I'm not giving up hope, though. I know the love of my life is out there somewhere and I'm hoping this experience helps me find him sooner. You know, once I sober up...

In the meantime, rejection can suck it.