World Struggles

The beginning of this year I was so focused on surviving that nothing else seemed to matter. No, I wasn't dying. I didn't have cancer or AIDS or something horrible. I was sick, confused, depressed, and afraid because I didn't know what was happening to me. Now that I'm healthy again something has shifted.

If you've noticed some of my recent posts are about the world beyond the Thighs bubble. I have a new perspective and outlook on my life. Things that stressed me out to no end - issues with work, boys, friends, money, etc. - don't seem as devastating as they did a year ago. Don't get me wrong; I still get anxious if something is troubling me in these areas, but the feeling doesn't last as long. I'm learning to acknowledge the issue and take action only when I can do so in a way that is respectful to both myself and the other person (if one is involved).

Naturally if I'm becoming less focused on Me, I'm beginning to focus on the We, as in mankind.

I never liked watching the news because I hate what I see and hear. I hate hearing about rapes, murders, crime, the economy, religious fanaticism, politics, war...you name it and chances are I'd rather put my head in the sand than hear about any of this shit.

It's time I grew up. I AM growing up, right before my eyes. I care what happens in my community. I want to know what's happening in the world. And I want to know how I can help. The problem is I don't know HOW to help on a larger scale.

I take great pride in the fact that I have become a nice, caring, and polite woman. I help old ladies cross the street, give food to the homeless, hold doors for people, and always say my pleases and thank yous. I am a big believer in the pay it forward concept. I think people respond well to kindness and are usually kind in return. Love really does conquer all. I realized my biggest obstacle in life was to learn how to accept and give love without fear. I haven't mastered this by any means, but I am trying. At least now I know.

It is a challenge to be kind and love some days. Today was one of them. I felt great this morning until I read this article. I heard some advertisers stopped airing their commercials during the TLC show All-American Muslim last week, but I didn't know the details. Once I read how an Anti-Muslim group in Florida influenced companies to pull their ads (Lowes Hardware being the most vocal about their decision), I was infuriated. RED SHE-HULK ANGRY. I've been on the verge of tears all day ever since I read it. Not all Muslims are terrorists just like all Christians and Catholics aren't ignorant fucks, you ignorant fucks!

I became so incredibly angry, not just about about this article, but hate in general. The hate all over the internet and television is making me sick to my stomach. Honestly I am more upset about what is happening in the world now than I was witnessing 9/11. Granted I've still got some hidden post-traumatic stress lurking in my psyche from that day, but I'm working through it.

I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed, upper middle class Christian. At least I was raised Christian. Today I believe in a higher power, one with no sect, that lives in each of us. Mine is Shian. Yours is something else.

In my idealistic world, everyone would be equal. You can celebrate any God you want, marry who you want, be who you want. There would be universal healthcare, free education, and environmental respect. We would nurture each other because we are all one. Hold on...I'm going to smoke a bowl and hug a tree real quick.

What troubles me about this is, my ideal world is MY ideal world. Every single person has their own ideal world. Who is right?

Using abortion as an example, I am strongly pro-choice. I don't understand how a woman could NOT be pro-choice. That being said, I am anti-abortion for myself. Luckily I've never gotten pregnant, so I never had to choose. I just know me and I would absolutely regret my decision, even if it was the best one for the baby. Now an anti-abortionist would have their own strong views on the subject. We could debate it for the rest of our lives, but neither of us will budge. I feel I'm right because it's a woman's own personal choice that has nothing to do with me, so why should I stop her from doing it? The anti-abortionist feels she's right because the fetus doesn't have a voice of its own and she feels the need to speak for the unborn child.

This brings me back to my problem. I want to make a difference on a larger scale, but basically what I'm saying is I want to change other people's perspectives and opinions to be inline with my own. Wouldn't that mean forming an Anti-Anti-Muslim group? If I boycott Lowes for not sharing my beliefs, aren't I just as bad as they are? I don't think the government should stop a woman from having an abortion or gays to marry, but just because I think this, should both be legal? I can hear people say, yes because it's the right thing to do, but who is defining right??

Sigh. I'm losing my train of thought now. I'm struggling with the world today. While I'm confused and feeling things are a bit hopeless, it is nice to finally care.