Thursday, May 6

I Love You Period

I wish I was wearing one of those fake pregnant woman bellies. Then the fact that I feel and look like I'm pregnant wouldn't bother me so much. Plus I can take it off.

Bethany Beer Gut is no longer a beer gut. I don't know what the hell she is now, but if she gets any bigger my innie belly button will be an outie soon.

My eating, drinking, and exercising habits haven't changed much so I guess it's due to Lady Time. I went off the pill back in July and didn't feel any negative reactions until recently. Besides the humongut, I now have a zit for the first time in thirteen years and get faint during PMS. Joy.

The only plus side of being off the pill is that I do feel calmer. The whole reason I went off of it is because I had a sneaky suspicion it was contributing to my crazy. I think I was right because I feel pretty darn stable now. Well, stable for me anyways.

The great debate of late with my girlfriends is which is better: being a fat, pimply, sane, condom-Nazi or a clear skinned, less bloated freakfest that gets the bareback once in a while?

Logically, if I look gross no one's going to want to bang me and we can't have that. If I look good I'll get some, but then the nuttiness will kick in and I'll drive whoever banged me away...

Better logic, why don't I just work out and buy some Proactiv then all I'll be is a condom-Nazi, which isn't a bad thing.

It could break though...and then what? Oh fuck. I take back what I wrote about wearing a pregnant belly...I don't want to jinx myself!!


Jennifer Juniper said...

1) I've always been told that the pill often made women GAIN weight, which was ONE of the reasons I've never been on it. You're saying it's the other way around for you? Or maybe that your body got used to being on it so now it's out of whack?

2) I honestly think I'd STILL be a condom-Nazi on the pill. It's the only way you can physically SEE that that shit is not in you. AND if it breaks (which you should always check for afterwards), you should immediately go get Plan B which is pretty effective!

3) Always better to be sane! Besides! You're running now! That'll help!

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