Tuesday, May 3

Weekly Update

My 2011 sickness refuses to fucking end.

I was home on bed/couchrest for a full week. I tried to work, but I didn't have the focus or energy. When I did feel up to doing anything, I'd take walks around the neighborhood. Some days it was hard, some days it wasn't. Thankfully the weather was gorgeous.

I was feeling better over the weekend then WHAM. Last night I got hit with the shit again. I don't know what's happening! It can't possibly be the Valtrex (go ahead and laugh, I still do) at this point, so it must be digestive.

Yesterday was the first day I went back to work, so I knew I would be exhausted. I left at 4pm, napped until 6pm, then woke up feeling horribly fatigued and rundown. Janeypants and I were supposed to meet up, but she was nice enough to come by my place instead. We talked for a while, I packed for Philly, then I went to bed. I woke up around 12:30am with everything hurting: my stomach, chest, head, neck, arm, knees, foot. I was up all night.

I seriously think I have problems digesting sugar. I had beer for the first time over the weekend. Right before I got tired yesterday I had a banana and an aloe vera drink that I didn't realize contained honey and sugar. Other than that I've been sticking to proteins. The one thing that makes me feel awesome after I eat is a bacon cheeseburger wrapped in lettuce. No joke. I've had four in the past week. Remind me of this when I have high cholesterol next month.

Obviously I can't self-diagnose anymore, so I went to a gastroenterologist this morning. Next week I'm going for an upper endoscopy to find out once and for all what is going on. ANSWERS PLEASE!

The good news is I seem to have my anxiety about all of this under control. I didn't panic last night and I made the quick (and right) decision this morning to cancel on the Philly trip. Of course, now I'm a bit worried I will be fired but fuck it. Worse things can happen, like oh I don't know, death by undiagnosed mystery ailment.

I did have a few panicky moments last week. I was alone in my apartment for four days straight, so of course I went a little nuts. It was mainly about MDLL of course. It always is. I feel like he's going to get sick of me being sick and stop wanting to hang out. Truthfully there is no reason to think this. He's been so fucking awesome! Two weekends ago when I was super sick he spent all day Saturday and Sunday with me watching TV. (Eastbound and Down is the funniest shit ever!) This past weekend I had the energy to go out for a bit so we hung out at his place Friday, texted all day Saturday, and walked around the neighborhood and hung at Delilah on Sunday.

Needless to say it's been very rough to be sick for four months and not know what's wrong. I made it through thanks to Bakes, Juniper, Jarv, Rocks and Tron. If it weren't for them I don't know where I'd be.

I have to give a special thanks to MDLL for helping me through the past couple of weeks. Getting super sick again almost crushed me, even with knowing I have mono. Having him around makes me feel good. It's been a long time since I've felt anything other than sick.

I am so incredibly happy when we're together. In the past he was the cause of a lot of stress and frustration, but now, when I really do need him, he's here. For that I am thankful. I know it might not always be like this, so I am cherishing every moment while I can. He's been a really good friend and I truly hope one day I am able to return the favor.

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