30 years and 1 week

It's been a pretty weird week, I guess that's to be expected when you start it off watching a David Lynch movie. Wild at Heart is a pretty cool flick, but for me to know it inspired Preacher makes it a brilliant one.

Saturday was the first wedding of 2008. (Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. V!! I am so very happy for you both!!) I planned on wearing this really nice dress I bought a couple of years ago. It's the most expensive item of clothing I have ever owned. I feel absolutely gorgeous in it though, making it worth every penny.

Unfortunately I did not try it on until Tuesday of last week. I = COW.

The last time I wore The Dress was to a holiday party in December 2006. I still felt pretty in it then, but when I saw some pics I did notice a little backfat bulging over the strapless top. At the time I remember thinking, eh no biggie. Yeah well, it's a biggie now. I'M a biggie now. It friggin sucks to go from a buxom woman to beached whale in just over a year. Even though I could still get The Dress on and zipped, by no means should I ever wear it in public. My "little backfat" turned into "lotta backfat," Bethany Beergut is apparently pregnant, and my ass looked like a toilet seat cover. I knew I put on weight last year, but I guess it didn't hit home until that night. DREADFUL.

Needless to say I was pretty upset. What did I do? I called my mom for comfort and support. You read that right. Comfort and support. All I wanted to hear her say was "Oh Thighs, I'm sorry to hear The Dress doesn't fit anymore but don't worry. You'll look beautiful no matter what you wear." FA!!! Yeah right! What did she end up saying? I can't remember, I blocked it out as she was saying it. Basically she kicked me when I was down, speaking with the same cold negativity she always did whenever we discussed my weight issues as a kid.

So why the hell did I call her?? punishment. I subconsciously knew that my mom would make me feel like shit, confirming that I am indeed a fat bastard. What a headcase.

I was still upset the next day too, so much so that I went out that night with B and Janeypants (love you!!) to get DEE-RUNK. I figured what the hell, I need the release. Well one Delirium Tremens, four Sam Smith Pale Ales, and about eight raw oysters later I got the release I needed, right into the ladies' room toilet. I can't remember the last time I barfed from drinking. It's not fun.

By Thursday morning I was fat, dress-less, nauseous, slightly hungover, and depressed. Luckily that all changed by the wedding Saturday night:

~I found the perfect dress at Macy's: pretty, slimming, and inexpensive.
~I got to hang out with my Company boys for a bit.
~I full on admitted I have ignored my weight long enough. It is time to get back on track to ensure I can wear The Dress to one of the other weddings I'm attending this year.
~I went to Minnow's warehouse in South Jersey with my boss Tennis and co-worker Breen, who both said they are very happy I'm working with them.
~I got to see Bacon and Dill who came in from Michigan for the wedding. I miss you guys!
~My direct deposit kicked in.
~AND I used liquid eye-liner without hurting myself.

PHEW. I can't believe my birthday was last Sunday. I'm sure it will feel like even longer ago once all my paintball bruises heal.