Tuesday, March 4

The Juice is Loose.

Aaaahhh Easter. I look forward to it every year, for one simple reason: STARBURST JELLYBEANS!

I hate Peeps. I don't understand why people like them. It can't be the taste; they have zero flavor. I betcha Peep-lovers drink Coors Light, too.

Is it the consistency? Is it the idea of biting a baby chick's head off?? What is it damn it?? And why the hell were they in the Thanksgiving Parade? If I was a turkey, I'd be pissed. Don't steal my thunder, you peepholes.

Anyhoo, I LOVE Starburst jellybeans. Well, most of them. I have never been a big candy person, but if you give me any cherry, berry, blue*, or purple** treats I will wag my tail and hump your leg for hours. If you give me orange, lime, or lemon I will bite your hand off.

The jellybeans are the same as regular Starburst (cherry, strawberry, orange, and lemon) plus lime and grape. This of course means I both love or hate half of the bag, so what did I do about it? Oh what any normal person would do if they a) don't want to get fatter, b) are single, c) have too much time on their hands, or d) all of the above. I split them up.

I hate orange! Why are there so friggin many?? I really needed to know the answer. A quick Google search later I found two sites:

Starburst Inquiry 1
The current flavor ratio is 25% per flavor. The original packs contain orange, lemon, strawberry and cherry flavors. But some packs or bags may contain more or less than 25% because they are placed in a large vat and mixed together before packaging.

Starburst Inquiry 2
This link tells me nothing at all, but I find the jump from Starburst to pubic hair absolutely hilarious.

Hey Petes, feel free to point and laugh at me when I'm puking up lilac tomorrow night.

*Blue candy: I save all my blue M&Ms in a pile and eat them last.
**Purple candy: Eh, I can go either way with grape. Depends on my mood.


Anonymous said...

They actually had a "make your own Peeps" kit in Food Emporium! I guess I am going to have to return your birthday gift now...



Girl said...

You can give ME the oranges!! YUM!

YELLOW is the GROSS colour! EVERYONE knows THAT!