FIREWORKS!

I love fireworks!  Love, love, love them!!  I had no idea any would be going off tonight, but they did!  And I watched them from my roof!!  YAAAAYYYY!!

Random Cell Phone Pics Part 2

SUCK IT MONKEYS! I'M ON VACATION!

Off to Chicago tomorrow morning. Woo wee!! Here are some random cell phone pics to keep you company until I get back.

Best name for a Thai restaurant:

The Hulk tee I wore to The Hulk movie.  Yes, I was that girl. Well, the only girl.:

This picture doesn't do him justice, but the STAFF guy looked gorgeous from behind.:

I took my parents to a Mets game for Father's Day.  Cool story, their first official date was at Shea for a Grand Funk Railroad concert back in July 1971.  I wonder if they had any idea that just seven years later they'd give birth to awesomeness...

BANZAI!

I loved, loved, loved Garfield growing up.  I'm pretty sure my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Black had something to do with this.  She was OBSESSED with those strips, so much so that I still remember her 20 years later.

Check out this ingenious site...Garfield Minus Garfield.

It has reproduced copies of the old strips with Garfield photoshopped out. Never would have thought they'd be this interesting without him!

Whiny little poopmaster.

That'd be me.

I'm whiny. And little*. And a poopmaster.

I still haven't felt right since Friday night.  At this point I don't think I'm hungover, I probably just caught a bug.  If I am still hungover...no wait, I can't be.  Right?

Here's a list of things I like.  Maybe I'll stop whining by the end of it.

1.  Diet type food product:  Lean Cuisine paninis and pizzas are excellent. Weight Watchers calzone and quesadillas are pretty darn good, too.

2.  30 Rock.  I want to be Tina Fey.

3.  The Hulk.  I saw it on Sunday during another Thighs Family Super-hero Movie Excursion.  Rippie was in town for it again, too!  This Hulk is action packed.  My only beef with it:  I really wish Tim Roth kept his shirt on.  I love his work, but he has Pat Sajak Q-tip syndrome.

4.  The War of Art.  I read another book without pictures this year!  If you have a goal that you can't seem to motivate yourself to obtain, read this book.  While it's geared to writers and artists, it's good for anyone who is losing the battle to Resistance.

5.  The DC Comics Guide to Coloring Comics.  Fun and informative.  I'm totally pumped.  

6.  My brain.  I haven't really mentioned Minnow too much, because well, I kind of don't like it there.  It's not Minnow's fault though.  As company's go, it is what it is.  I'm just feeling dissatisfied with myself lately and I'm projecting this on to my new job.  

For example, a couple of weeks ago I wanted to say, "Hey you! Stop wasting my time with this trivial bullshit and go fuck yourself." Of course I didn't say this; I've grown up a lot since Company (THANK GOD).  Now I know how to cool my jets and admit that what I really want to say is, "Hey ME! Stop wasting your own time with this trivial bullshit and go work for yourself."  Of course going to work for myself is going to take a while, so I figured I should make the best of my experience at Minnow.  

And here's where my brain comes in:  I've taken on some projects that put me back in a business analyst/IT liaison position.  Reevaluating workflows, streamlining business processes, creating new reporting...I love this stuff!! It's like one big logic problem, except Alice, Beth, Carrie, Diana, and Edith didn't get a red, orange, yellow, green, or blue car from their husbands Frank, George, Harry, Ian, or Jack on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday.

7.  Logic puzzles.

8.  Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunblock SPF 45

9.  Wearing two tank tops at once. 

10.  SLEEP.  In fact, I'm going to bed right now.  Gonna rock Ruth Clare's sleep sched.  G'Night!

*In comparison to Andre the Giant.

SADNESS.

George Carlin died! Waaaahhh!!

I haven't been this bummed over a celebrity death since John Ritter passed away.

Sadness.

I am in pain.

Last night I went to my cousin's Sweet Sixteen party in Bay Ridge. Open bar + my dad = too many vodka sours.

Then I met Rage and the crew at the usual Friday night pub.

Then Baklava and I decided to drink somewhere else, but for some reason all of the bars were closed. This probably should have tipped me off that it was around 3:30am and I should go to bed, but yeah, no. We actually bought a six pack and drank beers out of paper bag until we found a bar that was still open.

Okay, it is taking me way too long to write this...that's how braindead I am. Here's the summary:

I had fun catching up with Baklava.

Some dude walked into my building with me and kept rubbing my arm while I checked my mail. I have no idea who the fuck he is or what the fuck he was doing or saying. I don't know if he was my age, my neighbor, drunk or what. All I remember is being pissed off that my Transit Check/Metrocard didn't come yet, dropping a tampon out of my purse and him handing it back to me, and me pushing him out of my lobby and shutting the door. Then I ran upstairs and took a shower to wash the perv off of me.

I woke up today at noon and tried to rally to go out to Fresh Meadows for Gerf's birthday party, but I was still bombed and couldn't function. I went back to sleep and didn't get up until 6pm.

I am still in pain. I'd say I'm never drinking again, but we all know that won't last. One thing's for sure...I'll never drink that many vodka sours again!! UGH!

Nooooooo!!!

It pains me to admit this.

I don't want to face the music.

The fact this never occurred to me definitely means I'm losing my dirty mind.

My gynecologist's office is called...

Downtown Women Ob-Gyn

I've been going there for over a year and it just hit me today.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

If I lose my knack for making corny PG-13 sex jokes, what else do I have to live for???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Damn you, 30!

On second thought...

it was Past Thighs who decided to wait to buy tickets, so maybe she isn't a genius after all. Damn it!

UNthank you Past Thighs!

Thank you Past Thighs!

I am loving Past Thighs lately. She's a genius!

Next weekend I'm off to Chicago for Mother Jugs' bachelorette party. I held off buying a ticket thinking I would get a cheap last minute package flight. Wouldn't you know it, flights dropped from $300 to $205, but not the days I wanted. With taxes and everything I paid $344; remind me never to do this again. It pains me to think think last September I only paid $160 roundtrip...

At this point I'm too damn excited about the trip to care about the cost of the flight. I'm going to see my Baconista Heather, catch a Cubs game, stop in at the Wizard World Comic Con, possibly meet up with Fish, and then party the rest of the weekend away with the Petes, MJ, and her Chicago friends. Now I'm really excited!!

So why is Past Thighs a genius? I signed up for a ton of travel site fare watcher email blast thingies and the only way to turn them off is to login and unsubscribe. I sat here for a full minute trying to remember what my password was for three sites, when I thought, "Hey maybe Past me knew I'd forget and made them all the same." Guess what?? She did!!!

I feel like Bill and Ted did when they needed to steal Ted's dad's keys only to figure out that Future Bill and Ted already stole the keys and hid them exactly where Present Bill and Ted wanted the keys to be. Most excellent.

Sorry Con Ed...

My brother told me to go see The Orphanage in theaters last summer. I think his text message said something like, "Go see The Orphanage. You'll like it. Really scary."

Scary for me is less about the gore and more about the eerie, quiet moments. My heart stops whenever a dark figure runs across the screen or something appears and then disappears. Case in point, I think one of the scariest moments in Nightmare on Elm Street is when human Krueger peers out from behind a tree and a second later he's gone. Most people probably don't remember this scene, but I do and it's bothering me just thinking about it.

I never got around to watching The Orphanage until tonight. I think it's right up there with Lady in White and The Others: thoughtful, smart, and full of eerie. It's not a typical horror flick by any means, but I think it will sit with you. Especially one character that I won't mention. I keep looking behind me to see if he's just standing there....oh my god...I'm seriously all tensed up right now! I think I need to stop typing and sit with my back against a wall to be safe.

Sorry Con Ed, but my lights are staying on tonight. I blame Rippie.

Boston Weekend Recap (a week late)

I had most of this written last week, but never got around to finishing it up. Here's my weekend in Boston, a week late!

The rundown...

1. The Limoliner luxury bus goes from the Hilton NYC to the Hilton Back Bay in Boston for $180 roundtrip. There's plenty of leg room, a free movie, and a bus attendant who gives you blankets, food, drinks, and head.

After commuting over four hours a day from Jackson to NYC for about 2 years I can't friggin' stand buses but the Limoliner wasn't too bad. I suggest trying it out, although I probably won't ride it again. I like trains more.

2. Rocks and I got to Boston on Friday around 4pm and immediately went on the Freedom Trail. It's a really cool way to see the northern part of the city, just follow the red brick/paint line. My favorite parts of the walk were seeing the little alleyways of Faneuil Hall, the small side streets in the North End (Little Italy) neighborhoods, and the Irish Famine Memorial. Okay, maybe it's weird to say that last one is a "favorite," but I was really moved by the statue and plaques. The last time I felt this connected to my ancestors was when I saw the Northern Irish murals in Belfast. I couldn't take pictures there either.

3. There are so many people in NYC that it doesn't really register who I see on the street. It's different in other cities though. There's so few people walking near me that I end up observing way TOO much about them. For instance, a lot of girls wear dresses and high heels in Boston. Why is that? And more importantly, why do I care?

4. I know Boston is nicknamed Beantown, but it should be Sausagetown. There are so many guys!! If I wasn't a sweaty, sticky, smelly, chubby mess all weekend I like to think I would have taken advantage of the odds...

In other words, I didn't even try to hook up with anyone. I sweat ALOT.

5. New England Clam Chowder is amazing. Unfortunately, that was the only Boston fare I ate all weekend. Totally random, I can't stop thinking about the American League Club sandwich I had at a Fenway bar called Cask 'n Flagon. DUDE. It was a typical club sandwich, but my god, I want one now.

6. Another amazing moment at Cask...I got stuck in a bathroom stall. I'm not kidding. I went to the bathroom, did my biz, and couldn't unlock the door. Now I'm not a claustrophobic but I am a neurotic, so it wasn't actual claustrophobia I was afraid of, it was obsessing about the POSSIBILITY of becoming claustrophobic that finally made me take action. There was only one thing to do...dive under the door and climb out.

I couldn't stop giggling for a good 15 minutes. I doubt the floor was clean. It was definitely dry, though. More important in my book.

7.DID YOU KNOW ABSINTHE IS LEGAL AGAIN?? Crazy! I had some mixed with some type of Scope/black licorice drink. The minty taste was so strong that I couldn't finish it, but I did get a little flicker action going. Good times.

8. 95 degree weather sucks!

9. Trinity Church is gorgeous. So is the other church diagonal from Trinity. I forget what it's called.

10. I lied. The attendant doesn't really give head.

11. And last but certainly not least...FENWAY PARK!

Rocks had the brilliant idea of going on the Fenway tour before the game. I never would have thought to do this! It was a great way to appreciate the park before the crowds came in. I loved hearing the Sox and the ballpark history, especially why and how the Green Monster was created and how there is a 50 year waiting list to get a job as a scoreboard operator. (It's still manual.)

All baseball fans should definitely go to Fenway. Wrigley is still my all-time favorite; Fenway top three. (I still don't understand why I loved Anaheim so much. Disney crack!) I personally didn't find the wooden grandstand seats uncomfortable, though I could see how a taller person would hate them. It's really annoying that the rows only have an exit on one side of them; I had to climb over 20 people just to go to the bathroom. Take my advice, get an aisle seat.

One of my pet peeves are people who buy sportsgear in non-team colors, like those ridiculous pink Mrs. Wright shirts that whores wear. Yes, whores. Red Sox shirts are printed and worn in a variety of colors, so it was interesting to see how different all of the fans looked. I probably wouldn't have noticed this if it wasn't for my trip to St. Louis last year; 90% of the crowd had a red Cardinals shirt on. Those darn Missourians (?) made me realize the importance of team spirit, so now I shun the folks who wear anything but their team colors. Shun, I say! Then again, I ended up buying a green Red Sox hat because I liked the shamrock so this whole paragraph is stupid.

The game was a lot of fun. The Sox played really well, beat the Mariners 11-3. Manny Ramirez hit a home run over the stands on top of the Green Monster; it was fucking awesome to watch. A blast of a hit and a blast of a weekend...

So there ya have it. Check out my pics!

Birthday Retard

It's Donovan's birthday today. I called him and left a message. I honestly don't like him anymore, I just like birthdays.

Okay, well I did convince myself that it was okay to call even though deep down I knew I shouldn't.

Okay okay, I shouldn't have.

Okay okay okay, I will never contact him again. There's no reason to.

Okay okay okay okay, I almost sent him this card...ALMOST...



SEE?? I'm growing...in the sense that I didn't send him any inappropriate cards, but still find inappropriate cards HI-larious.

[Ed note: I wrote those "Okays" after Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon. Please be sure to reread with his voice in mind. It makes this post less pathetic. I think.]

I knew it!!

From a Feng Shui website:

"Sleeping in line with the door also exposes you to excessive Chi, which can contribute to stress, irritability and health problems, but keeping your bed in commanding position prevents you from negative influences and puts you in control of your space and of your life."

I've been feeling really off lately and I swear to Shiz it started when I rearranged my bedroom. I hate having my bed by the door! Totally moving it back to where it was, which just so happens to be the commanding position.

Sheesh!

And I was in IT for awhile...

Science experiment time:

• Hold your mouse in your right hand. 
• Take note of where your thumb, ring finger, and pinkie touch your mouse pad or desk.
• Slide your mouse around without changing the position of your fingers.
• Done.

I have no idea if you hold your mouse the same way I do, but remember when I said some of my keys were turning blue? Yeah well now they are green. I just figured out why.

I use a notebook as a mouse pad. Apparently the oils in my thumb, ring finger, and pinkie have sucked up some of the cover ink.

Now guess the colors of my notebooks.

I'm an idiot.

I was wondering why my space bar, colon, apostrophe, and return keys were the only ones changing...

Coolest. Show. Ever

I wish Yo Gabba Gabba was on at night. Then again, I highly doubt Nick Jr.'s target audience is still awake when I get home from work. Darn.

First Baseball Trip of '08

I've seen the Mets three times this year so far. The first game I went to I happened to wear these cute red undies with little white and pink hearts. The Mets won that night so now I make it a point to wear the same pair to each game.

My friend Webby ended up having an extra ticket to the game Sunday night, so he asked me to come with. I said of course because I love going to games, plus I just happened to be wearing my red heart undies again so I knew the Mets would definitely win. (Sidenote: I keep saying "undies" because I hate the word "panties." The only time I like that word is when a guy with a low, sexy voice says to take them off.) It ended up being a great night. Not only did the Mets win, but something else really cool happened too...

Webby's seats are awesome. They are directly behind home plate in the Loge, about 6 rows from the protection net thingie. The aisle separating the box seats is directly in front of his own, so the only slightly bad thing is that people walk by all the time. You get used to it though and if it wasn't for one of those passersby, I would be in a lot of pain right now.

You know how stadiums play silly things on the Jumbotron between innings? One of the things Shea does is a trivia contest: they pick a fan, ask him a multiple choice question, and the fan answers by holding up a card with either A, B, C, or D on it. Easy enough. Well Sunday night they happened to seat the quizzees directly in front of Webby's seats. He didn't want to be on the Jumbotron so he went to get beer. I, shy person that I am, waved like a moron while texting Furbie (He was in the upperdeck with his family. Suckas.) to look at the screen. You know, because after seeing me every day for three years I knew he'd want to see a 30-foot me at Shea. Anyhoo during all this hubbub I forgot something very important...the game was still in play.

The camera stopped rolling. The quiz people got up to leave. Fans were walking down the aisle from both directions. I was sitting there texting Furbie again, cheesy post-Jumbotron grin plastered on my face, when all of a sudden BOOSH!! A plastic cup filled with beer exploded directly in front of me. No joke. The man who was holding it was walking by, his hand about a foot away from my nose. I gasped. Everyone around me gasped. I had no idea what happened until I replayed the scene backwards in slow motion. I realized the beer didn't self-destruct, it was hit...BY A JOHAN SANTANA FOUL BALL!

I swear to Shizza if that man didn't happen to walk by when he did my face would be one humongous black and blue right now. My nose would most definitely be broken, maybe even my teeth too. It was like a line-drive foul ball. I don't know how the hell it managed to miss the camera crew and all the people walking by, but THANK GOD no one got hurt. You know how painful that would have been??? Man, if that beer hadn't been there I would have been fucked.

Everyone was so in shock that it took a good 30 seconds for someone to realize no one had the ball yet. I wish the guy who found it gave it to me. I don't blame him for keeping it of course, it just would have been a cool memento.

WOW! I'm getting all excited remembering how exciting it was! Needless to say, my eyes were glued to the field the rest of the game. I don't need any more balls speeding towards my face, unless of course there's a hot guy attached to them.

I had so much fun at this game (thanks again Web!), that it totally got me pumped for this weekend. What's this weekend?

FENWAY! FENWAY! FENWAY!

My first baseball trip of 2008 is finally here! WOO HOO!! Rockstar and I are headed up to Massachusetts tomorrow morning for a lovely weekend of baseball, beer, and Boston men. I guess we should probably squeeze in some history, too.

WOO HOO AGAIN!