Monday, July 21

My biggest fear...

I think I figured out what my biggest fear is, outside of letting loose a never-ending fart.

I'm afraid I'll hurt my children.

I don't blame my mom for shit anymore. Blaming her doesn't erase the past, so why bother? All that matters to me now is that our relationship is the healthiest it's ever been.

That being said, I am deathly afraid I'm going to mindfuck my kids. My mom did it to me, my grandmother did it to her, my great-grandmother did it to both of them. I don't see how the line of batshit crazy matriarchs is going to stop with me.

Is simply WANTING to be a good mom enough? Gosh, I don't know if I ever thought about my mom a good mom? What does being a "good mom" even mean?

Maybe the line of crazy will end if I don't have a daughter. That's it! Universe, I'd like to put two sons on layaway please. Names: Peter and Jack McGee. Please hold for 43,800 hours.

Sigh. I need to work through this one a bit...


Anonymous said...

I have the exact same fear, and worry that being aware of my potential shittiness as a parent won't necessarily prevent it. Maybe we can set up playdates and emotionally scar eachother's kids instead.

Me and the old man will be in the house in 9 days - hopefully you can come see in August!

THIGHS said...

LOL! Sounds poifect.