Tuesday, October 19

My, how things change.

I finally heard from MD Friday night at 12:30am. I didn't get his text until the next morning since I passed out around 11pm after drinking too much vodka at a strip club. (My life is awesome.)

The text read, "I've been out of town all week, what are you up to tonight?". I screamed out, "NOOOOOO!" I'm not sure why I did that. I guess I had already made up my mind I was done with him. If you haven't noticed, once my mind is made up it is really, really hard for me to change it. I'd say I'm stubborn, but there are so few times when I absolutely positively know how I feel about something that when it happens I need to hold onto it.

Oh. Right. That's the definition of stubborn. Crap.

I wasn't going to write him back for a couple of days to sort things out, but I did Saturday night as I was leaving Svenica's wedding. The wedding was so fun and filled with love (Congrats guys! Thanks for inviting me!) that I decided I was going to give MD another chance.

MD met me at Crazy Ass after I got back from the Giants game on Sunday. (My life is awesome.) It wasn't the same when I saw him again. I was so friggin miserable after not hearing from him that it just ruined everything. I can't blame him for my reactions and insecurity, but I do blame him for not making the effort to call. It turns out he was sent to a work conference in Vegas last minute. He apologized for not calling and for texting me so late Friday night. He said he didn't mean to be rude.

It was nice to get an explanation, but it didn't make me feel better. I spent the rest of the night trying to make conversation. I had nothing to say. When we left the bar I was going to head home then decided fuck it, literally. I went back to his place for a couple of hours. BEST KISSER OF ALL TIME. We are very sexually compatible, but that's just not enough for me. I want more.

I saw him in a completely different light. All of a sudden there were red flags everywhere. I won't go into specifics, but all signs were pointing to one thing: while he might be single, he definitely isn't available. I left feeling good about getting laid, but bad about the fact he isn't the guy for me.

I decided to break it off. I want love, I want passion, and I want someone I can trust. I know these things can build over time, but if he already let me down after six weeks I don't see it getting any better.

I womaned up and called him a couple of hours ago. He was really, really nice about it. I can't remember what I said exactly, but it was along the lines of "I had a lot of fun hanging out with you, but I'm looking for something serious and I get the feeling you want something casual right now." He agreed saying he just got out of a long-term relationship (one of the red flags) and wasn't looking to jump right into a new one. I told him I think he's awesome and said I'm really grateful we met when we did since I went through some shit this summer that he really helped me get over. I didn't go into it of course, but I really wanted to thank him. He ended up thanking me for calling and letting him know. I said I'm sure I'll see you around the neighborhood, so I thought it was best to be honest. It's good dating karma, people!!

PHEW! All of that in less than three minutes. Best break-up-with-someone-I'm-not-actually-committed-to EVER!

I hung up the phone and cried. It was good tears. I know I did the right thing. I want to create space for someone who goes out of his way to make sure I feel good about us and myself. MD wasn't the guy. I'm excited to find the one who is.

Good-bye best kisser SO FAR!

No comments: