1. Feel good enough to go to office.
2. Feel sad about MDLL.
3. Get a call from coworker who said I should start looking for a job. Apparently my bosses are struggling to sign a new client for May. It is quite a blow.
4. Go to bathroom and cry. I could handle breaking up with MDLL and losing my job, but not in the same week.
5. Work for three more hours. Call mom as I walk home. "Didn't your boss say she was giving you a raise, health insurance, and sending you to Vegas in June?" "Yes, yes she did."
6. Hang up with mom as I walk down stairwell to 59th and Lex station. Start tearing up because all I wanted was a hug from MDLL.
7. Walk to platform, stop, look to right. MDLL is two people away from me. In the nineteen months I've known him, we've only bumped into each other on the subway twice. The other time was Valentine's Day.
8. He hugs me. I cry, he tears up, we take the subway to Queens together. He walks me home, stops in front of my building and starts sobbing. I invite him up.
9. We spend the next couple of hours crying and talking. We did not hook up. We did not get back together.
10. Call mom again. I cry. I know I'll get through all of this, but it hurts.
11. Hang up with mom. Check work email. Look at April's paystub.
12. I got a 10% raise. What the what??
13. Write this post.
14. Go to bed and put this ridiculous day behind me.