Thursday, March 1

Good things!

I made it 74 hours without contacting MDLL. I called him last night because I couldn't take it anymore. Good news...he spoke with his lawyer and MDLL needs to review the paperwork one more time before it is filed. He said he wanted to call me, but thought it would be best to wait until it's processed like I asked. He profusely apologized, thanked me, and reiterated how much he loved me. I cried, naturally.

I decided I do want to keep in touch, but I am definitely not ready to see him yet. It will fuck me up. We agreed it's best he doesn't come to my birthday party tomorrow night. It's unfortunate, but the right thing to do. I want to get drunk, dance, and have fun, not sob in a corner.

I'm not speaking to my parents or brother just yet. I'll deal with them some other time.

Yesterday was the hardest day. I felt so lost. I didn't know how to feel, what to think, nothing. I feel much more centered today after speaking with MDLL. It brought me back to reality. Luckily, Cee was available tonight so I'm going to talk it out with her later. Therapy rules.

Some more good things...

I went for a check-up on Tuesday with Dr. Bleyer. We're both very excited over how well I'm doing! We discussed the couple of flare-ups I had this year and she suggested maybe it's the gastritis. I forgot I had that! It makes a lot of sense, especially since I didn't eat gluten the last couple of times I got sick. We're going to see how I manage the next few months, then I'll probably go for another endoscopy to check how my guts are doing. I should be getting my blood test results tomorrow. I'm very interested to see if she was right about me always testing positive for mono. I'm a Mono-han!

Everyone is gearing up for go-live next week at work. I almost feel guilty for not being stressed out as everyone else. Isn't that funny? I'm just going to chill and wing it like I always do. The last conversion went super well, so I feel pretty confident I got this! Conversion weeks are exhausting, though. I'm prepared to do nothing, but work and sleep for the next three weeks!

My bedroom looks awesome with the new paint job. I was so happy it worked out that Rolo and her boyfriend Gee were able to stay. I rarely have visitors, so it was nice to play hostess/concierge!

I guess that's it!! I feel MUCH better about things today. I am cautiously optimistic this shit will be over soon. I'm not holding my breath, although MDLL sounded more motivated, concerned, and adamant about fixing this than ever before. I am hopeful again.

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