Sunday, December 16

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

What the fuck did I do!?!?!? I'm single, chubby, and as of this Friday UNEMPLOYED!! What was I thinking?!?!?!?!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I have never, ever been this scared in my entire life.

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My 2007 New Year's resolution was to be stronger. I didn't go into specifics, like ten push-ups or ability to pull myself back into the raft after a class 4 rapid. I thought leaving it open for interpretation would be a cool spin before making a 2008 resolution. So...

Am I stronger? Why or why not? What does "strong" even mean?

Dictionary.com has over 30 definitions for "strong".

Me, since birth:
7. aggressive; willful
9. clear and firm; loud
19. intense
23. having an unpleasant or offensive flavor or odor
30. come on strong, Slang. to behave in an aggressive, ardent, or flamboyant manner

Old Me, prior to recent months:
21. containing much alcohol

New and improved Me:
3. mentally powerful or vigorous
4. especially able, competent, or powerful in a specific field or respect
5. of great moral power, firmness, or courage
10. solid or stable; healthy; thriving
15. fervent; zealous; thoroughgoing

A lot of shit happened this year, both things I did and things I realized:

1. Went to Chicago to meet Fish. While we still chat through email or tex-mexing (as my mother calls text messages), we are by no means dating. In fact, I'm not sure what we'll even talk about once football season ends. That being said, I am so incredibly glad I met him and proud that I took a chance at love.

2. I'm sober.

3. I stopped going to therapy and I hope to stop taking Zoloft soon. (More on this another day.)

4. I'm leaving Company.

5. I decided I want to get married and have children at some point in my life. This is HUGE!

6. I love my parents more than I ever have.

7. I wrote this blog all year.

8. And last, but certainly not least, I found myself.

Wow.

My definition of "strong?" Having the power to face your fears and live to tell about it.

Am I stronger? FUCK YEAH.

1 comment:

lou said...

the prospect of not having a job is lots of fun, aint it? make sure you collect that UI!