Tuesday, December 4

Random Thoughts: Dolby System

1. I have always wanted a dog, but lately I'm not so sure. I've become very grossed out by the fact that it's perfectly acceptable for a dog to piss and shit wherever it damn well pleases.

City-folk have to keep certain thoughts out of their head in order to survive. Just the way it is. Unfortunately for me (and now you for reading this), I can't seem to stop thinking about dog shit. Maybe it's because my own bowels are no longer entertaining?

Next time you see a dog popping a squat, pause for a moment and observe. The owner is usually staring right at it, but what is he or she thinking? Are they happy for the dog? Are they hoping that it's number 1 so they don't have to pick it up? Are they thinking fuck, I'm not picking it up if it's number 2 either? And when the owner does pick up the poop, what do they think about themselves? Are they proud for keeping the city clean? Are they proud of anything in regards to this event? I think not, considering they're now holding a piece of poop wrapped in a Duane Reade bag.

2. When buying Japanese snack items, always read the entire package. I just bought a bag of dry roasted edamame and threw about 10 in my mouth at once. Sounds harmless right? Yeah, not when they are actually covered in WASABI. I no longer have a nasal cavity.

3. The V train turned into the E train today so I jumped out and walked. As I was passing Saks Fifth Avenue, I heard the weirdest holiday music coming from the store. I have no idea what the actual words were, all I heard was this eerie voice. At first it reminded me of the singing blue alien chick in The Fifth Element, then it got creepy...

I swear to Shizza, I think the voice steals souls. I held my breath for a block to be safe.

4. Ladies, don't pee in the shower. It's retarded and you lose respect for yourself.

5. Santa bought me a new coat!! It's a navy blue peacoat with a hood!! I love it!!

6. Okay, that's enough. I need to apply to some more jobs. Stupid Company.

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