Random Diary Entry: January 4, 2001

Well in response to that overly dramatic last entry, I got my period and everything is fine. It's funny how ridiculous things seem in retrospect. I guess that should make me feel better. Reading all my old diaries or notebooks, I realized how much things meant to me and how much things hurt during that time. Then I think about how none of that shit matters anymore. It really doesn't. Even in this book I've forgotten about Shane and forgave myself for having poor judgment. Even Brian and Kristin, I'm not friends with them anymore and I have no idea what they are doing together.

What I do know...well one thing remains the same in all my journals. I am still not happy with who I am and where I am in my life. The year is now 2001? Did I think I'd ever make it this far? I'm almost 23 years old and the same crap bothers me to this day. Different people, different situations, but same crap.

For as long as I can remember my weight has been a constant pain in my ass. I've gained, lost, gained again. Now I find myself to be the biggest I ever was, 185 pounds and a size 16 pant. What happened??? Lots of things. Nothing. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I'm not healthy mentally or physically and that definitely needs to change.

Is this another entry with false hope and lies? Is this just another stupid year where I won't accomplish anything? What exactly do I want anyways? What are my goals????