It's about that time!

Every six months or so I have some exciting new health issue to deal with. Fucking clockwork.

Okay, so maaaayyybe I've had discomfort in my left breast for the past oh, I don't know, eight months. It bothers me if I lay on my left side. What have I done about it? Easy - not slept on my left side.

For some reason it was killing me Sunday night. I tossed and turned and just couldn't get comfortable. It happened last night, too but now the pain has moved from my boob to my chest and entire upper back. Possible reasons:

1. Funbag problems. Well I've had enough of those. One day I'll share that story. I've wasted enough time massaging them myself, so mammogram and ultrasound on Thursday.

2. Pulled a muscle. The only physical activity I've done in the past week is drink, so unless beers are getting heavier I don't see how I could have pulled something. Maybe it's one of those "old person" injuries that occur from doing something routine. I did carry a bag of laundry on Saturday. I always yank my window open. I recall doing some form of the chicken dance for quite a while at Juniper's party. I do not recall much else after.

3. Nutrition. I went to the doctor today to make sure I didn't have walking pneumonia (it hurts to breathe, you never know). In the waiting room this 300 pound woman was complaining that she didn't know what was wrong with her stomach. Here's a bitchy idea: You're 300 pounds!! (So mean!) As soon as the thought popped into my mind I realized the same thing for myself. I drink too much and I'm 25 pounds overweight. Of course shit's gonna break from time to time.

4. My bad posture. It seems to be getting worse. Must remedy.

5. My all time favorite...stress. Oh psycho-somatic illnesses, what would my life be like without you? I'll be pretty fucking pissed if this is the reason again, which obviously isn't helping my anxiety levels. It is annoying, though. I finally feel like I'm getting my emotional and mental stress in check! I meditate a lot more. I write in my journal more. I'm breaking things down until I get to the root of the problem. I'm detaching myself from work. I'm enjoying my personal time. If this is stress-related I'm really not sure what more I can do about it. Running seemed to help, but the last thing my boob and back need is a jog.

Man, am I in pain right now. It feels like someone stabbed a rotating stake through my heart. Oh for Christ's sake...if this is me manifesting my emotional heartache of late until something tangible I swear to Shizza I'm going to punch myself in the face.

I'm really dramatic when I don't feel well.

Lie.

I'm always dramatic.