RU Slacker

I requested my college transcripts the other day.   I was SUCH a slacker!   My cumulative grade point average was a 1.8 when I got kicked out of school.  When I got back in I tried harder (ie I actually went to class), but still didn't give it my all.  I graduated with a 2.4. 

Obviously I didn't take advantage of the opportunities I had at Rutgers.  I honestly didn't recognize them at the time.  The funny thing is now I think it would be fun to be a professional student.  I really do love to learn and wish I could afford to go to school full time.  Maybe one day...

Man, I sure was ignorant in my twenties.  Thank Shizza they're over!

Happy New Year!

I have officially decided that 2008 was a good year.  Woo hoo!

Over the past few weeks I kept saying it wasn't so bad.  Then I realized duh, if it wasn't so bad doesn't that mean it was good??

My 2008 resolution was to "work hard at being hot, debt free, and eventually, a creative professional."  Even though I'll still wear shorts over my bathing suit, have credit card debt, and need my analytical day job I don't feel like I failed.  This is one of my great successes of 2008: I'm learning how to stop beating myself up over everything.

Instead of thinking about all the things I should have done, I am pleasantly satisfied with all of the things I accomplished.  I got a job, took writing and art classes, stopped using my credit card, dated a few people, and started volunteering. I found out I have values (who knew?) and am consciously making the effort to live by them.  I feel mentally and emotionally stronger despite the occasional battles with Me and Myself.  And last but certainly not least, I am learning to be more grateful, especially for all of the good friends in my life.  That means YOU!

So yes, 2008 was a good year for me, mostly in an internal way.  Now I'm ready to set some concrete/external goals for 2009.  I'm still outlining them right now; basically the overall theme is to be proactive and productive.  I like feeling and thinking about things, but now I want results.

One resolution I can share now is to reconnect with Thighs again.  I promise to post more often.  I know some of you were sick of seeing "My Dick" for the past few weeks (Jules!).  Hey, it's better than pics of "My Vagina" though, right?

My Dick

Does anyone know this song? I can't stop laughing, but I'm not sure if it's because of the lyrics or because I'm old...

My dick cost a late night fee
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD

My dick- bigger than a bridge
Your dick look like a little kid's
My dick- large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your shit look like you fourteen

My dick- locked in a cage, right
Your dick suffer from stage fright
My dick- so hot, it's stolen
Your dick look like Gary Coleman

My dick- pink and big
Your dick stinks like shit
My dick got a Caesar do,
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude

My dick is like super size
Your dick look like two fries
My dick- more mass than the Earth
Your dick- half staff, it needs work

My dick- been there done that
Your dick sits there with dunce cap
My dick- V.I.P.
Your shit needs I.D.

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick served a whole lunch-in
Your dick- it look like a munchkin

My dick- size of a pumpkin
Your dick look like Macaulay Culkin
My dick- good good lovin'
Your dick- good for nothin'

My dick bench pressed 350
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty
My dick- pretty damn skimpy
Your dick- hungry as a hippie

My dick don't fit down the chimney
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippines
My dick is like an M16
Your dick- broken vending machine

My dick parts the seas
Your dick farts and queefs
My dick- rumble in the jungle
Your dick got touched by your uncle

My dick goes to yoga
Your dick- fruit roll-up
My dick- grade-A beef
Your dick- Mayday geek

My dick- sick and dangerous
Your dick- quick and painless
My dick- 'nuff said.
Your dick loves Fred

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

My favorite football commercial

I get teary-eyed when I watch this. In a good way.

Enough blue.

I am in love with Christina Hendricks.  I watched the first three episodes of Mad Men last night. Holy fucking gorgeous.  

I never thought I'd use this phrase, but man, I would eat her with a spoon.



Nothing like a little red to keep me from feeling blue.

The battle continues...

Before I begin, I'm okay now.

I haven't been feeling well for the past few months.  I'm lost, I'm sad, I'm crying every day again. I have zero motivation to post, write, color, hang out, go to the gym, clean the apartment, hell do anything except watch television. 

This started around mid-September.  I thought facing my financial problems was the sole reason for the extra anxiety, but I know the pain goes much deeper.  I feel scared, hopeless, stressed, negative, disillusioned, over-sensitive, and most of all, depressed.

And then it hit me!!  Depressed??  I feel depressed??  Of course I feel depressed!  I HAVE DEPRESSION!

As dumb as this may sound, I totally forgot that I am clinically depressed.  I also forgot that I only stopped taking Zoloft in July so it would make sense that my depression would "come back" after the medication left my system.

I figured this out on Monday.  The next day I had a ten hour panic attack.  It was horrible.

For me, having a panic attack feels like I'm waiting to die.  It's an intense mix of despair, disconnect, and anguish.  I sat at my desk hoping that I'd fall asleep and never wake up. 

I'm not sure what triggered the panic attack, but I know what fed it.  All I kept thinking was, "FUCK.  Now I have to go back on Zoloft."  This scared me more than dying.  Why?  Because I don't want to need it.  I wish I could be fucking normal and not have to take medication to think or deal or function.  I wish my mind wasn't my own worst enemy.

The battle between Me and I continues.

Budget Me This

Keeping a budget has changed me.  In fact, I think this whole budgeting thing is a big reason why I haven't felt like posting.  More on this later.  Right now I need to document history.

I, Thighs McGee, couldn't figure out if a 12-pack of Scott toilet paper on sale for $6.99 is a better deal than buying a single roll at $1.29.

Fifteen minutes later I decided it is.

I am not an idiot.  Blonde, yes.  Flaky, sometimes.  Bad at math, not so much.  In my defense I drank two Octoberfests in 45 minutes on an empty stomach before entering Rite Aid.

So why the need to post this after a month of not sharing?

1.  I'm buzzed.

2.  I'm still in awe of the world of discounts.  I've bought tons of things on sale before, but I don't feel like it was ever on purpose. Not having my Mastercrutch has made me more aware of my spending habits as well as the overall value of my purchases.  Totally a new way of thinking for me.

3.  I have never bought this much toilet paper in one shot before (this is where the documenting history part comes in).  I am super excited to see how long it lasts.  And I'm not exaggerating about the "super excited" either.  I giggled the whole way home thinking about it.   

So mark your calendars people!  On November 20, 2008 I have 12,000 sheets of toilet paper at my disposal....OH THE POSSIBILITIES!

Yahoo! Sports is dirty.

I think Yahoo! needs new editors:

Romo’s back, so are Cowboys with 14-10 victory

"Tony Romo had to learn how to throw with four fingers instead of five, and how to celebrate with his left hand instead of his right."

Gross.

I can't do it, Captain.

Sorry folks, I really haven't felt like posting.  

I don't even feel like writing fuck shit bitchcock.

Or maybe I do.

Fuck shit bitchcock.

Done.

Looking for Grace

I am extremely proud and excited to announce my brother and his friends have created an original web series.  This week is their coming out party, so please show your support by checking out their website and trailer:

www.LookingforGrace.com 

An Internet Event in 10 Chapters written by Nathaniel Halpern and directed by Aaron Rabin. After a young man (Harold) discovers his memories have been replaced by those of a mysterious woman named Grace, he sets out on a journey to find her, hoping to reclaim that which he has forgotten. However, along the road, he discovers a strange world in which nothing is as it seems -and that he is not the only one 'Looking For Grace'.

And if you're on Facebook, it would totally rock if you became a fan.

Yaaay Rippie!!

I love my friends.

I love my friends for many reasons, my favorite one being they humor my idiocy.

JP and Doll asked me for my address the other day.  I gave them my usual response.  They mailed it verbatim:



Thanks guys!

I'm scrappy.

I went to my first boxing class last night.  Man, do I love to punch things!  Who knew??*

I probably should have watched Rocky before I went though because I totally forgot what training entails. It's not all about punching; there are a lot of drills too.  I SUCK at drills.  

In the beginning we had to run laps, do high knees, kicks, side steps, and lunges around the room about 20 times.  Then we had to do a few minutes each of jumping jacks, sit-ups, and push-ups.  It was rough.  The rest of the class all about jabs, cuts, hooks, ducks, all of the fun stuff.

I swear to Shizza I turned PURPLE within 15 minutes.  I looked like I was going to die.  I can't help it, my skin is so thin and pale that once my blood starts pumping I change color.  

Luckily my face wasn't indicative of how I felt.  Granted I am really out of shape and had to stop for water a lot, but I made it the whole hour and felt fabulous when I got home.

So yes, while I'm not looking forward to the drills again I will definitely keep at it.  I'm scrappy people!  I was born to box!

*Everyone.

Hotel Bar Whipped Light sucks

I opened my microwave door and found a tub of butter inside.

I stared at it for a few seconds.  

Me:  "Are you really a tub of butter inside my microwave?"

Butter:  "Why yes, I am indeed a tub of butter inside your microwave."

Me:  "Interesting.  Did I put you there or did you put yourself there?"

Butter:  "I don't know. I'm a tub of butter.  How could I put myself in here?"

Me:  "Well, why would I put you in there?"

Butter:  "I don't know.  I'm a tub of butter."

Me (throwing the tub of butter into the garbage):  "Whatever.  I didn't like you anyways."

The End

Hello, Treadmill

Oof.  Just got back from the gym.  I haven't been on a treadmill in three years.  Three!

All I did was speedwalk at 3.5-4 mph for a half hour.  I tried to run and lasted a whole minute.  A minute!

I feel like jello.  Wait, my fat ass always feels like jello.  I feel like Bambi walking on a frozen lake.

This combined with yesterday's pilates is causing some ache-age.  I found something to help ease the pain though...

I keep saying "Whoa Momma" in Johnny Bravo's voice over and over again.  

It makes me giggle.

September Update

I don't know what my deal is lately.  I just haven't felt like posting.  I guess I should expect to feel like this once in awhile...

Here are some highlights from September:

1.  My SVA color theory class is so much fun.  We made a color wheel last week.  I spent three hours cutting pieces of paper and pasting them onto a bigger piece of paper.  JOY!

2.  I've only gone to the gym three times so far.  The first time I got my free session with a trainer who just happened to be a boxing instructor.  We boxed for about a half hour. She said I was a natural!  I'm psyched to take a class one day soon. 

The other two times I went were for pilates.  I am so UNnatural doing them.  Pilates is hard when you have kegs for legs!  I am forcing myself to stay with it though.  It's easy to see improvement in things you suck at doing.

3.  I went to an Introduction to Buddhist Meditation seminar.  It was a great experience.  I definitely want to do it again.

4.  Have I mentioned I'm trying group therapy with Cee?  Well I am; it started a couple of weeks ago.  I'm not sure if I like it yet, although it is making me a better listener.  I'd really like to become a great one.

5.  I LOVE FOOTBALL!!

6.  The Mets made me sad yesterday.  

7.  My OKC dating stopped early this month.  I went on a few more dates with one guy, but I think we're just going to be friends.  It's nice getting laid though.

8.  Not having a credit card is fucking killing me.  I'm embarrassed to share how much debt I am in, but yeah, it ain't good.  Put it this way:  I have never lived on a budget.  Ever.  On a publishing salary, too.  Fucking stupid. 

Rent aside, I only have $160 until October 15th.  On October 16th, I will drink myself into oblivion.  Feel free to join.

9.  And why don't I have any money?  This month I went to two Met games, one Jets game, a wedding in Jersey, got my hair done, and went out eating/drinking about seven times.  This was a typical month for me both socially and financially, except now I can't charge anything to get me to the next paycheck.  

I am 30 years old and shitty with money.  I feel like the biggest loser ever, but I can't let it go on any longer.  I will fucking shoot myself in the face if I'm complaining about my debt at 40.  

BLAM FUCKER!

Stop your fucking booing!!

I hate, hate, hate when supposed fans boo their own players.

The Mets are pissing me off too, but I REFUSE to boo anyone when I'm at the game.

I just read a quote from Luis Castillo...

“I know how it is here,” Castillo said. “The fans want you to do well. I try to do too much. I put too much pressure on myself. I need to be relaxed and enjoy the game. I have to play relaxed. Sometimes when you go to the plate, you’re thinking about the fans and what’s happening. I need to clean my mind.”

Sure he sucked this week by going 0-4 Tuesday night, but seriously...

SHUT THE FUCK UP MET "FANS"! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!!

I'm a viking!

This commercial sums me up perfectly...



whether I'm happy or sad, I'm still throwing something.

I can't tell...

if I have dark blonde hair or light brown hair.

I really wanted to go back to my original color...not sure if it worked though.  

Oh well. Chances are I'll chop it all off next spring. I've been itching to do that again!

It's time!

Congratulations! You are now a NY Sports Clubs member.

You’re signed up and ready to hit the gym. Print a receipt of your membership agreement and present it with a valid photo ID to a membership consultant at any Club location. You will receive a temporary membership card and can start working out immediately. On your next visit, once your membership is fully processed, you’ll get your photo ID taken.

Enough is enough. I want to be hot.

Pieces of Me

Well this is it. There's no turning back now.



I am scared shitless. Good thing I'm drunk.

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.