Tuesday, February 15

I feel like me!

I finally feel like myself again. The last three weeks sucked. I still don't know what the hell was wrong, but I don't care. I'm better now. Today is the first day my head, neck, elbow, stomach, brain, mind, and soul feel good. THANKS, TODAY!

I lowered my thyroid meds on Sunday and I know it's too soon to really feel a difference, but I believe I do. It's probably more mental than physiological, but whatever. Mental's what I do best.

I really wanted to go to the gym this morning, but I ended up having to rush into the office for a training session. It was the first time I actually felt comfortable with the idea that I could stay home if I wanted to and it sort of bit me in the ass. Oops. I'll be going in to the office everyday now for a while. I don't mind (considering that's what I'm used to), I just really need to start bringing my lunch. The one deli by the office charges $10 for a salad!

Speaking of food, I added a bit of bread and carbs back into my diet. Oatmeal and potatoes are fine. I had two Guinness the other night and felt okay. I ate a wrap for lunch today and yesterday. All good. I'm still not ready to eat a sandwich or pasta yet, though. I don't care what the doctors said. Something's up with me and too much sugar...

HOLY CRAP! I forgot to write about this...I USED MY OVEN ALL BY MYSELF THIS WEEKEND! I made MD brownies. I was clammy and nervous the whole 27 minutes they baked, but I did it! YAY! Next up, a big meal for myself so that I can enjoy leftovers all next week. I will be the next Iron Chef.

Tonight I treated myself to a haircut and highlights. I spent way too much, but considering I haven't gotten my hair professionally colored or bleached in at least two years I figured I was due. Plus I really needed a change. I like how it came out. I'd take a picture, but I'm all red for some reason. It's a lighter bob with bangs. I had the same hairstyle when I was 2. I feel younger.

The Gentleman wanted to hang out tonight before he goes out of town again for the weekend. I said I was busy. I feel bad, but I didn't want to lead him on. I'll talk to him when he gets back. The truth is even if I wasn't seeing MD again, I don't think The G-man and I are a good fit. I really do think he's a great person, though.

There's a guy at work I find interesting. I'm sort of attracted to him. He's cute, wears nice fitting clothes (I had no idea this meant something to me), and really seems to know his shit. The clothes thing made me wonder if he's gay, but I'm pretty sure he was checking out my rack yesterday. I'm surprised I'm even writing about him. Let's call him Rem.

Why AM I writing about him? I don't know...I want to be with MD, but I'm afraid to talk to him about how I feel. How sad is that? Me, the biggest loudest oversharingest emotionalest obnoxitard is too shy and scared to talk to my fake boyfriend about the chances of him becoming my real boyfriend one day. I'm not good at dating, am I? Blerg.

I'm trying to not think about last year since things have been different between us the past month, but I feel like I felt at the end of November. I'm not sure I can hold in my feelings much longer. We're hanging out tomorrow night, so I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck. NO SHOTS.

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