I don't date...

because I can't take the anticipation.

I am so nauseous right now. It's most likely because I had split pea soup, a pear, and an ice pop in the last 15 minutes, but I think it's also because this whole "chilling out" thing isn't working.

It looks like I'm going to meet FB Thursday night. I checked my email six times today and nearly had a heart attack when he wrote me back around 4pm. I am hyperventilating due to nerves.

This is what is going through my head right. You may want to sit further away from your screen...

what happens if he doesn't like me what happens if he does like me what happens if I like him what happens if I don't like him what if he thinks I'm fat ugly stupid boring unfun and retarded? what happens if I think he's fat ugly stupid boring unfun and retarded? what happens if i walk into the bar and he takes one look at me and runs screaming out of the place? what happens if we have nothing to talk about? what happens if there's a really hot chick in the bar and he goes to the bathroom and she follows and they bang in a stall and I'm sitting there wondering if I should leave because he's obviously been gone for awhile and is most likely banging some hot chick in a bathroom stall? what happens if he's wearing white sneakers??? i fucking hate white on white sneakers! what happens if tomorrow night at my softball game I get hit in the face with a line drive and get a black eye, thus looking mangled when we meet on Thursday? what happens if I get a huge fucking zit right between my eyes (who will be named Ben or Jerry as that's what I've named all my zits since senior year of high school) and he thinks I'm disgusting? what happens if I run out of things to talk about? what happens if I really like him, he sort of likes me, then we go out and he meets my friends and ends up liking one of my friends and not me? what would happen if I just pretend for the sake of all that is holy that this is NOT A DATE nor a big deal and I'm just meeting someone who is rather funny and could become just a friend and ONLY a friend without putting any pressure on myself to think this is IT and that I have to come out of this either married or more broken than I am?? why don't I just shut the fuck up, admit to myself that I am pretty, cool, and funny and that most people actually like talking to me and that there is no need to have a panic attack over something this stupid!! AARRGGGHHHHH!!!

Welcome to my life. For your safety, please fasten your seat belts and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times.