Friday, June 15

Gotta wear shades.

A big thanks to the peeps who gave me such nice feedback on my last post. It really means a lot to me.

Here's a little fluff to go with your nutter...

I went to the eye doctor a couple weeks ago because I felt like I've had something in my right eye FOREVER and I needed to renew my contact prescription. It turns out I have a slight infection, although not contagious and not enough for antibiotics. Doc said it could be allergies so he said keep my eye moisturized and come back in a week.

He also said to not wear contacts. I didn't listen. I played softball twice, had that date with FB and the wedding. I love my glasses, but I've become optically vain and can't bear to wear them when I want to look pretty. And, for a less shallow reason, didn't want to risk breaking them during a game.

I went back to the doctor's this week and he said the infection is still minor, but it has now gone to both eyes. He told me to stop being a jerkoff, wear my glasses and throw out all my makeup. Okay, he didn't really say jerkoff, but he did mean business so I listened this time.

I'm not used to wearing my glasses so I did something pretty stupid the other morning. I'll preemptively excuse this by saying a) it was early, b) I didn't have coffee yet, and c) I'm blonde.

I was on the subway staring off into space when I noticed this really attractive girl. While I keep telling myself I'm not gay, I couldn't stop looking at her. She was dressed really nice, good hair and make-up. I like to think it was more admiration than fornication that made me stare, but it was complete retardation that got me caught.

Again since I'm not used to wearing my glasses, I seriously thought I was wearing SUNglasses which lead me to believe she couldn't see where I was looking. (This is dumb for two reasons. One, I was clearly NOT wearing sunglasses as the subway was not three shades darker from the lenses and the bald guy standing next to me had sweat that glistened off his scalp in the fluorescent light. And two, I left my sunglasses on the diner table at the shore.)

Long story longer, she caught me. I knew she knew I was staring and then I knew she knew I knew she knew I was staring. There was nothing to say, so I did what any embarrassed pervert does...turned red, closed my eyes, and dreamt about having sex with Jon Gruden. (By the way Jon, if you should read this, I demand you keep your visor and headset on the whole time, and you must spank me with your clipboard. Thanks!)

To my V-train Vixen, I apologize on behalf of all people who you have or have not caught staring at you. Honestly though you are too pretty to ride the subway, so what the fuck. It's your fault now! Ha!

Will someone PLEASE remind me to buy new sunglasses the next time we're out???

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