Saturday, June 2

Murder Death Kill

I am the most disgusting person to ever live. I completely understand if you never want to see me again after I tell you what just happened...

I...

killed...

a...

roach...

PUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S TWO ROACHES IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS. NOT ONE, BUT TWO. I AM SO FUCKING DISGUSTED RIGHT NOW.

I was a shitty roommate. Did I mention this already? I always left comic books, crayons, napkins, plates, empty cigarette packs, clothes, what have you all over the apartment in college. Even after school when I lived with Rippie I was awful. I'd go out drinking and wreck the place without ever cleaning it up. Here's a big fat SORRY to all my former roomies.

My sloppy ways is what made me decided to live alone. I'm proud to say that I have grown up a lot; Delilah's totally not a pigsty. Sure there are times when the Thighs-bomb goes off and she's not exactly the cleanest place, but I really do take pride in her which is why I'm so pissed off right now.

In the 3+ years I've lived here I maybe had a total of five roaches. Three of them were within my first couple months living here although I have a suspicion that one roach was repeat offender. Unfortunately he didn't have any distinguishable characteristics to build a case.

Anyways since early 2004 Dee has been roach free...until now. I WANT TO DIE.

A few weeks back I was in bed when I heard a weird rustling. I almost cried when I thought I had a mouse, then I did cry when I realized it was a "water bug". I have no idea how I saw it, but there the fucker was in my make-up bag. In one swoop I somehow grabbed the bag, leapt the five feet to my bathroom and threw it out, leapt another fifteen feet to my kitchen to grab the Raid, and leapt back to the bathroom and sprayed that bitch to death. I threw out all my make-up and most of the crap on my bedroom floor, too. SO GROSS.

Tonight was a little worse. I went to bed around midnight, woke up about an hour ago to take a leak. Just as my ass hit the toilet seat I saw the biggest fucking roach by my tub. Once again I ran got the Raid and hosed the thing down. I was so freaked out that my neck still hurts from cringing so hard, plus I couldn't bring myself to pee for a good 45 minutes due to my irrational fear that I would somehow get impregnated by one of his friends waiting for me under the seat.

I feel like the grossest person in the world. I swear to Shizza if this is the start of a "problem" I will shoot myself. I totally can't sleep now either. All I keep thinking of is that scene in Nightmare on Elm Street 4 when that chick from Just the Ten of Us turns into a big roach...that can't happen for real, right?

2 comments:

lou said...

if it makes you feel any less gross, i ate a roach. have pics, too!!

Thighs said...

Ummm...no.