Monday, June 25

Today my ass exploded.

Damn you Sette and your all-you-can-drink bloody marys!!

I did it again. Rocks and I went to brunch yesterday. Since 4 or 5 bloody marys wasn't enough, we just HAD to keep drinking. We went over to Trailer Park to get some PBRs, but then the evil bartender said, "Today's specials are $3 PBRs and $5 margaritas." Ay caramba! I was in a margarita mood all weekend so naturally I partook in the pecan pie.

Stupid! Three margaritas later I blacked out. Again. This is what I remember:

1. Passing 46th Street station, which is one station pass my stop.
2. Setting my alarm for 8am.

That's it.

I don't remember leaving the bar, getting on the subway, taking the subway back towards Manhattan after missing my stop, walking home, or passing out on the couch.

This is very bad.

I love alcohol. I really do, but I have a problem. I'm not supposed to be drinking on Zoloft, let alone drinking to excess. That's it, I am not allowed to drink liquor anymore. I just can't handle it!!

And boy did I pay for it today. I normally shit three times a day, after every meal. I didn't crap this morning, but after lunch, damn. I had to brace myself against the bathroom stall. It was like Finch in American Pie AND there were two other girls in the bathroom. Leigh-bee, I am so sorry.

Four hours later I had to go back for round two which thankfully wasn't as painful. I felt much better afterwards. Now that I'm home, I'm fine but just annoyed with myself. What the fuck is my damage?? I can't keep going to work hungover (I did on Friday, too) and I DEFINITELY can't keep doing this to my body. I'll be fubar if I don't clean up my act soon.

I mean seriously, I'm going to be 30 years old next year. In my mind there are certain things 30 year old women should not be doing and blacking out is in the top 10. The rest, in no particular order:

1. Smelling dirty laundry to see if she can get away with wearing it again
2. Biting carrots in little pieces and spitting them into her salad, being too lazy to cut them with a knife
3. Making out with people under 25
4. Using paper towels to wipe when she runs out of toilet paper
5. Using water in her cereal when she runs out of milk
6. Changing her sheets only once every two months
7. Being financially irresponsible
8. Forgetting to wear sunscreen
9. Shouting out "Wow!" when examining her ear gunk on a Q-tip

Fuck. I'm such an asshole. I hereby declare that I, Thighs, will no longer do shots...ummm...will no longer drink on Sundays except during football season. NO!! I solemnly swear I WILL NOT DRINK LIQUOR ANYMORE. I am only to drink beer and if I start blacking out from beer, well then I'm going to kill myself. AARRGGHH!

P.S. Yes the above list is of stuff I currently do and am working on not doing in preparation for the big 3-0. (The Q-Tip thing happened this morning. It was gross, but totally cool.)


Jennifer said...

1. I don't think ANYONE stops doing this COMPLETELY...
2. I think that's better than what I do, which is not make anything at all...
3. Hmmm...yeah, you might be right about this one...but then again, we hit our peak much later than THEY do...
4. Better than using your hand!
5. I'd rather eat the cereal dry! Yuck!
6. I finally started changin my sheets mor often b/c I got a new (bigger) bed and got all new sheets and they're pretty!! (Granted most of them are Delia's...which takes away from the idea of growing up...)
7. Crap. I never tell myself "no" when I want to buy something...
8. I never do. But you DO have it worse than're a smidge paler than me!
9. haha I wouldn't shout "wow" but I would definitely be amazed...

Thighs said...

JENNY JEN! It took me a minute to realize who you were...and then I saw the department comment. Oops! LOL! Thanks for reading!!!

yoroshiku34 said...

Hey, I'm with Jennifer on #3, and it's not like they mind!

And no big deal today - jeez, I'm usually the one holding it in until everyone leaves. That's why I always bring my to-do list!

Anonymous said...

Thighs, don't stop drinking! It will be no fun if you come to NJ and don't drink!

Anonymous said...

OK I have to respond to the last anonymous whose judgement I seriously doubt...

DUDE! Stop drinking on Zoloft! I once took the stuff back in college, drank a measly 4 beers of cider over a couple hours, threw up all over my friend's party, then blacked out, woke up, and then started puking again -- blood. It was really really scary.

I don't mean to be a party-killer but this stuff is serious. Zoloft seriously messes with your liver.

If you can't stop drinking, then stop taking the Zoloft. Please don't do both.